tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25788454599516113062024-03-18T20:59:52.613-07:00Smile Through the FogAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14952934406549397055noreply@blogger.comBlogger23125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2578845459951611306.post-16735925655300977972018-03-12T03:40:00.003-07:002018-03-12T03:49:02.461-07:00The reconstruction saga continues: Part 1 When is enough, enough? I kept asking myself that same question everyday. Breast reconstruction is never a perfect process and I’ve spoken openly about my surgeries in the past (<a href="http://smilethroughthefog.blogspot.ca/2017/12/the-good-bad-and-ugly.html">here</a> and <a href="https://smilethroughthefog.blogspot.ca/2017/11/out-with-old-in-with-foobs.html">here</a>) because I know I’m not alone. I had high hopes going into my last surgery but found myself feeling deflated the moment I removed the bandages and saw the indents and extra skin that still remained. A feeling that I know many can relate to. My surgeon told me to wait a few months for the implants to settle into place, but we both knew I would need another surgery to get my breasts to where I could feel like myself again.<br />
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My affected right breast had surprisingly caused me little to no complications throughout the reconstruction process. It was the perfect size and shape and only had a minor dip where the lat flap and breast tissue didn’t sit flush. But it was my left non-affected side that caused the most pain – both physically and emotionally. Every time I looked in the mirror, I saw the loose skin hanging from the bottom of my breast and the indents and valleys. Trying on bras felt like a demoralizing process. My left breast wouldn’t fit into bras that fit on the right and I would leave the store empty handed and deflated. I wanted nothing more than to fast forward a few months to get this next surgery done hoping this time would be the last.<br />
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I kept myself busy over the next few months exercising to strengthen my body again and travelling to both NYC for the AnaOno x Cancerland fashion show and Orlando for the annual YSC Summit (blog post to come later). It felt great to leave my worries behind and connect with other women who knew exactly what I was going through. But once I returned home and the reality set in that my surgery was coming up in just 5 days, a feeling of dread began to pit its way into my stomach. The thought of being put under again and, even more disconcerting, the thought of waking up and being unhappy with the results again. I wanted nothing more than for this to be all over. </div>
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As the day before surgery approached, I found myself going through the all too familiar motions: food prep, laundry, cleaning the house and packing my bag before I was holed up for another few weeks. The same feeling of sandpaper across my skin as I scrubbed every inch of my body the night and morning before surgery. The same green and blue hospital gowns and sterile smells. The flashbacks from every time I sat in this same room with my husband awaiting yet another surgery. From the lumpectomy after I was first diagnosed to the mastectomy I underwent after finding out my margins weren’t clear to the implant exchange to get rid of the rock hard expanders in my chest. We were both done. <br />
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When my name was called to go back into the surgical area, I found myself speaking first with the anesthesiologist to address any concerns with being put under. The one thing about going in for multiple surgeries is you get to know your body really well: how it responds to anesthetic, how it wakes up, what makes it angry. In past surgeries, I woke up in a state of panic, feeling restricted by the bandages and finding myself calling desperately to the nurse for an Ativan. Full disclosure here…I also suffer from mild claustrophobia so the thought of being restricted amplifies the panic attacks tenfold during times like these. I also get nauseous when I wake up so the anesthesiologist reassured me she would administer both some anti anxiety and anti nausea medication intravenously to avoid that happening. <br />
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My plastic surgeon then came in to discuss the procedure and began his extensive drawing on me once again. I would be undergoing fat grafting, a procedure that involves taking fat from one area of the body and grafting it onto another. Although I had a petite frame, he found the best option was to remove fat from my stomach which would then be used to fill in the gaps around my breasts. The loose skin around my left breast would also be removed, requiring a 3-inch incision along the lat flap scars on the underside and sternum side of my breast. As I got wheeled into the operating room and the IV started in my vein, I looked around and thought to myself I hope I never have to see this room again. </div>
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As the anesthetic wore off and my senses slowly awakened, I began to feel the pain and discomfort in my breasts where the surgeon had made his incisions. I couldn’t feel any pain in my stomach though and panicked for a second wondering if my plastic surgeon had in fact done the fat grafting. But the lack of feeling and numbness in that area quickly reassured me and I drifted off into sleep again. </div>
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After a couple of hours in recovery, I was finally feeling well enough to go home. My husband Josh came in with my chariot (wheelchair) but first helped me get changed out of my hospital attire and into my regular clothes. I had packed items that were easy to get on including <a href="http://www.amoena.com/us-en/pocketed-clothing/pocketed-leisure-wear/valletta-top-white/">this</a> oversized Amoena Valetta camisole top with built in shelf bra which fit perfectly over my bandages as well as a pair of loose fitting yoga pants and flip flops. Once back at the car, I wrapped a blanket gently across my lap to protect my stomach from the seatbelt chaffing and a <a href="https://www.survivormoda.com/shop/the-parkpuff/betty-bouquet">ParkPuff</a> to cushion against my chest. <br />
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I had been sent home with antibiotics and medication to help take the edge off from the pain but I could feel it start to creep up again as it wore off. My left breast ached where the plastic surgeon had made his incision and the hot flashes were starting to flare up in my body again like clockwork. All I wanted to do was to nestle myself in bed but sleeping can be a bit tricky too. I always find myself worried about squishing my breasts and having the incisions open up. So, out came the pillow fort again, two pillows behind my back and one on either side of me to hold my arms up and provide a cushion against my breasts. </div>
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As I woke the next day, the pain in my breast felt like it had subsided but the nerves around where the fat was taken had clearly woken up. My stomach was extended and swollen and I felt pain and tenderness with every movement. The last thing I wanted to do was go in for my Zoladex injection but it had already been put off because of surgery so that the micro tablet didn’t get in the way of the fat grafting. I wondered though how I was going to handle a subcutaneous injection in my stomach when it hurt to even put on pants! But if I could make it through everything I’d been through thus far, then surely, I could get through this too. My gp oncologist froze the area with a topical spray and quickly gave me the injection so I could get back home and rest. </div>
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And rest I did. I watched more Netflix than I thought possible and stayed in bed for over 12 hours, waking only long enough to take my pills and crawl back under the covers again. Two days had passed since surgery and I knew that once I finally found the energy to get out of bed, it was time to face my fears and take off the bandages. I could feel myself holding my breath as I unraveled the bandages, the fear of disappointment and heartache setting in once again. But as the last of the bandages came off, I found myself letting out a huge sigh of relief. While my breasts were not perfect by any means, the extra skin was gone this time and the indents had been filled out. I finally said to myself what I had been waiting for for almost 2 years. I am done. <br />
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I’m now one week post op and continue to live in my yoga pants (while the swelling keeps going down in my abdomen) and my super cozy AnaOno compression <a href="https://www.anaono.com/collections/all/products/pocketed-front-closure-bra">bra</a> (which I have to wear until I see my plastic surgeon in two weeks). My stomach still feels tender to touch and the bruising is starting to come out leaving me with a painted yellow hue but the pain meds have become less frequent. And I finally got out walking again which is a huge plus. But what has been most rewarding is finally coming to a place where I feel comfortable in my own skin again and accepting that I am perfectly imperfect.</div>
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<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14952934406549397055noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2578845459951611306.post-50201817633997291082018-03-04T18:22:00.002-08:002018-03-04T18:34:28.394-08:00What to Pack for Day Surgery<br />
Getting all packed up and ready to go for my fourth surgery first thing tomorrow morning. I’ll be undergoing breast revisions including fat grafting and removing excess skin with the hopes that this will be my last surgery. Although I am supposed to be in and out of the hospital within the same day, there are a few things I like to pack with me to not only keep me occupied but just in case my stay ends up being a bit longer than anticipated too. Here’s a list of items that I will be bringing with me for day surgery tomorrow: <br />
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<br />1. Book/Magazine/Journal</h4>
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As many of you know, there can be a lot of time spent waiting before going in for surgery. I always bring a book to help pass the time and to also distract myself a bit from the nerves and butterflies fluttering in my stomach as I wait for my name to be called. Lately, I’ve been reading The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck which is a hilarious and thought provoking take on the things we value most in life and what it is that’s worth pursuing.<br />
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2. Cellphone, headphones & portable phone charger </h4>
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Just as a book or magazine can be a good distraction, having your cellphone to listen to some music or just scroll through Facebook or Instagram can be a good way to get your mind off things as you wait. Remember to bring your portable charger though just in case you spend a little more time than anticipated waiting to get called in. <br />
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<br />3. Medications </h4>
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Even though I’m scheduled for day surgery and should be in and out of the hospital within the same day, I like to pack any medication I’m on on just in case things don’t go as planned. I normally take my Exemestane in the morning but will need to take it later in the day since I’ll be off food and water for a few hours pre-surgery. <br />
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<br />4. Travel wipes and moisturizing products </h4>
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Surgical iodine is often used to prep the skin before surgery to eliminate any bacteria but it stains your skin leaving you with a pinky/reddish residue. I pack <a href="http://cabooproducts.com/products/">these</a> all natural Caboo bamboo travel wipes with me everywhere I go which work great to clean the iodine off. Eye drops and lip balm are also a staple in my day bag too so I can moisturize my eyes and lips post surgery and feel refreshed.<br />
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<br />5. Mini fan </h4>
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There’s something about surgeries that gets the hot flashes raging and feeling like a volcano is erupting inside my body. My best friend brought me a mini fan after my mastectomy and latissimus dorsi flap reconstruction surgery in June and it was the best thing ever to cool me off post surgery. They are cheap too and can usually be found at your local dollar store or any one of the big box stores. <br />
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<br />6. Comfortable clothing </h4>
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Getting into clothes after surgery can be extremely difficult between the pain and limited range of motion. I always opt for a top that either buttons or zips up or one that I can easily slide on. This Valletta tank top by Amoena is both soft and stretchy and has a built-in bra liner to give a little added support. For bottoms, I choose something that is loose fitting and easy to pull on like yoga or pajama pants. Slip on shoes are also recommended or a pair of hard soled slippers. <br />
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7. AnaOno compression bra:<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg5t45l0N6Df-KvVCvJB7AJe68pqoQmFa5etnfUQfsbTJUVDFzay2qCCT_82pGO11G-01L83NJN4qi6rXXYRRx81Ttco8XLB_dRQwaU7BbOZ3tyufsAoIZoScpAdlbOjfGxDiHjy4z1QsD2/s1600/AnaOno+bra.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1067" data-original-width="800" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg5t45l0N6Df-KvVCvJB7AJe68pqoQmFa5etnfUQfsbTJUVDFzay2qCCT_82pGO11G-01L83NJN4qi6rXXYRRx81Ttco8XLB_dRQwaU7BbOZ3tyufsAoIZoScpAdlbOjfGxDiHjy4z1QsD2/s320/AnaOno+bra.png" width="239" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">AnaOno pocketed front closure bra</td></tr>
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I’ve heard so much about the AnaOno bras and was excited to finally purchase this one through Gorgeous You, a company in Canada that carries mastectomy bras, swimwear and lingerie. This bra clips in the front and has 4 different settings allowing you to tighten or loosen it up to whatever feels most comfortable post surgery. <br />
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<br />8. ParkPuff seatbelt pillow </h4>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhJVhQ2aXlfe33FSE19XFF1jAsgFGt19HgDV8TjT5Uig7e_9mkR34Gtxrl9rax3me-SH-Lp1Wcla1cIejUD99Dlc8fkj911vutBksS9GunsNDR6rT0trnb6EItO-CBmXqfYviSYucWIc0mU/s1600/ParkPuff-Betty-Bouquet-Survivor-Moda-Remember-Betty-flat-large.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1000" data-original-width="1500" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhJVhQ2aXlfe33FSE19XFF1jAsgFGt19HgDV8TjT5Uig7e_9mkR34Gtxrl9rax3me-SH-Lp1Wcla1cIejUD99Dlc8fkj911vutBksS9GunsNDR6rT0trnb6EItO-CBmXqfYviSYucWIc0mU/s320/ParkPuff-Betty-Bouquet-Survivor-Moda-Remember-Betty-flat-large.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">SurvivorModa ParkPuff in Betty Bouquet</td></tr>
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A few months ago, I won this amazing ParkPuff from SurvivorModa during the Cancer Grad breast cancer awareness month giveaway and I’ve been using it ever since. It folds and closes over the seatbelt strap in your car and provides cushioning on either side of your chest so you don’t have to worry about the seatbelt pressing into your chest and causing any discomfort post surgery. <br />
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<br />9. Snacks! </h4>
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If you’re like me, you will be absolutely starving post surgery! I’m an all time snacker and lover of food so having to refrain from eating anything after midnight is a challenge. I like to bring a simple and easy snack such as an apple, one of my homemade carrot muffins (recipe coming soon) or a granola bar (I love <a href="https://www.kindsnacks.com/oats-honey-toasted-coconut-bar">these</a> honey oat ones from Kind) to get a little something in my belly post surgery and ward off the hunger pangs until I get back home. <br />
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Is there anything missing from this list that you would recommend packing for day surgery? I’d love to hear your suggestions below! <br />
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14952934406549397055noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2578845459951611306.post-80246023253175526582018-01-12T01:59:00.006-08:002018-01-12T23:26:38.824-08:00Hormone Therapy <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Chemo, radiation, surgery. Our bodies feel like they've been put through enough. But for the large number of women with hormone receptor positive breast cancer, it is often recommended to take hormone therapy for 5 to 10 years which comes with its own set of challenges, most notably early menopause. Now that I’ve been on hormone therapy for almost one year, I wanted to share an open and honest blog post about my experiences going through it and the side effects that I continue to navigate my way through. </div>
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So, what is hormone therapy? </h4>
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Hormone therapy involves taking medication to reduce the amount of estrogen in the body and block its action by starving the cancer cells of its source. The pros? Reducing the risk of recurrence in early stage breast cancer up to a third. The cons? Being put into menopause much sooner than anticipated and dealing with the long list of side effects that go along with it.<br />
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<h3>
</h3>
<h4>
Hormone therapy options</h4>
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As I neared the end of my treatments one year ago, my oncologist set up an appointment with me to discuss the next steps in my long-term maintenance plan. I would be put on hormone therapy for 5 or 10 years and was given a list of hormone therapy options:<br />
<br />
· Tamoxifen for 5 or 10 years<br />
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· Tamoxifen with ovarian suppressor (OS) for 5 or 10 years <br />
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· Aromatase inhibitor (AI) with ovarian suppressor (OS) for 5 or 10 years <br />
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He recommended that I look at the <a href="http://www.nejm.org/doi/full/10.1056/NEJMoa1412379#t=article">SOFT</a> and <a href="http://ascopubs.org/doi/full/10.1200/jco.2015.64.3171">TEXT</a> trials to make an informed decision on what worked best for me. The trials found that the combination of taking an AI with an ovarian suppressor had significant benefits for high risk pre-menopausal women over taking Tamoxifen with an ovarian suppressor.<br />
<br />
Based on the studies, I decided to go with the option of taking an AI and ovarian suppressor which my oncologist felt would be the most beneficial in my case as well. AIs are typically only used in post menopausal women but can be given to premenopausal women if combined with an ovarian suppressor. So, I was given my first Zoladex injection one month prior to starting on an AI called Exemestane to shut down my ovaries and put me into a chemically induced menopause for the next 5+ years.<br />
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***Update: According to new long term results (see <a href="https://www.healio.com/hematology-oncology/breast-cancer/news/online/%7Bd74f7c99-d1d8-41e2-9743-5cf83902f277%7D/exemestane-continues-to-improve-dfs-not-os-for-early-breast-cancer">link</a>), the data now shows that the benefits aren’t nearly as great as once thought. While the AI + ovarian suppressor combo has a better DFS (disease free recurrence rate), the new results show it has the same OS (overall survival rate) as taking Tamoxifen with an ovarian suppressor.<br />
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<h4>
What to Expect</h4>
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The Zoladex injection is administered subcutaneously every 28 days and comes as a preloaded syringe containing a slow release tablet of goserelin acetate. My GP Oncologist administers the injection every 4 weeks and uses a topical anesthetic spray called Pain Ease to numb the injection site. The downside is it only freezes the top layer of skin so I still feel a poke from the needle once it’s inserted (it's a doozy at 16 gauge). Thankfully my doctor is quick with the draw and she’s done before I even have a chance to think about it. I’ve also been hearing a lot about Emla cream, an over the counter topical numbing cream, which can be found in some local drugstores and is definitely worth checking out. <br />
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<h3>
</h3>
<h4>
Side Effects </h4>
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The side effects from hormone therapy can only be described as a rollercoaster ride for me. Some days it feels like I’m coasting free while others I am struggling to get through. I’ve listed some of the side effects I’ve been experiencing since starting hormone therapy but please keep in mind these differ for everyone:<br />
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</h3>
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<h3>
Hot flashes</h3>
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I’m normally one of those people who are cold 24/7 and cozied up on the couch wrapped in a blanket. Once the hot flashes arise though, it feels like my body goes from 0 to 100 degrees in about 2 seconds flat leaving me red faced and agitated. I’ve learned the art of layering and having a fan on me at all times especially at night. The hot flashes seem to flare up most often when I get stressed out or anxious which leads me to the next side effect.<br />
<h3>
<br />Anxiety and panic attacks</h3>
<br />
I never knew what anxiety or panic attacks were until recently. The feeling of agitation in my body where I don’t know what to do with my hands or feet. Or the shortness of breath and overwhelming thoughts. It pops up when I least expect it: driving to the store, having dinner with my family, or as I lie in bed at night. I’m trying to incorporate more relaxation techniques like yoga and breathing exercises to quiet the noise but it is a work in progress. <br />
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<h3>
Inability to focus/concentrate </h3>
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Even as I sit here and try to think of the words to say, it doesn’t flow as easily as it once did. My brain feels foggy and I get incredibly frustrated with myself at times. I wonder if people think I am listening when I ask them the same thing over but it is more frustrating for me than them because I wish I could retain and recollect the information.</div>
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<h3>
Insomnia</h3>
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Full disclosure here. I’ve always had some difficulty with sleeping but never to this extent for this long. I can’t count the amount of times I’ve watched the sun rise, blogged until the wee hours of the morning, and crawled into bed at 6am after finally pushing my body to the point of exhaustion. I’ve tried melatonin, magnesium, meditation, good sleep hygiene, you name it. I hate to take sleeping pills but getting a restful night of sleep is much better to me than not sleeping at all. But there is nothing more I crave than a pure restful night of sleep not induced by medication. <br />
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<h3>
Bone and joint pain </h3>
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As I lie down in bed at night, I can feel the deep ache in my upper legs. It feels similar to the achiness from the Paclitaxel I was on during chemo and then sits subtly through the day until night falls again. When I wake in the morning, my hands and fingers feel like they need to be carefully stretched so as not to break. Sometimes I wonder if I sound like an old 80 year old woman complaining about her aches and pains. Just get me a bottle of WD40 to lubricate my joints! Some of the things I’ve found helpful though are soaking in Epsom salts to relax the joints and walking and yoga to keep things moving. <br />
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<h3>
Arthritis and osteoporosis </h3>
<br />
Prior to starting Exemestane, my oncologist ordered a bone density scan to check how healthy my bones were and to see if I was at risk for osteoporosis. While AIs are less likely to cause blood clots than Tamoxifen, they have a much higher rate of bone loss and fractures. Seven months after starting Exemestane, I noticed my right thumb joint was extremely sore and painful and I could barely manage to lift the water jug from the fridge. The first thought that went through my head was cancer but an x-ray confirmed that I had developed arthritis in my thumb (and possibly the rest of my hand), likely from the medication I was on. Right now I am taking calcium and vitamin D to maintain my bone health, but my oncologist has also recently recommended starting on a bisphosphonate in the near future called Zoledronic acid to strengthen my bones. I’m still on the fence about it though as it has its own set of side effects that are not to be taken lightly. <br />
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There are times when I wonder, is this all worth it? Do I continue through these next 5 or 10 years experiencing this myriad of side effects? But it is also feels like I am blanketed with this security and hope that the medication will reduce my risk of recurrence. How do you all deal with the side effects of hormone therapy?</div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14952934406549397055noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2578845459951611306.post-15676110789896534762017-12-31T00:25:00.003-08:002017-12-31T00:32:02.493-08:00365 new days, 365 new possibilities <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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365 new days. 365 new possibilities. As this year comes to an end, I reflect back on the struggles I've overcome, the friendships I've made, and the memories that will last a lifetime. Here’s a recap of some of my biggest moments from 2017 and what I'm looking forward to in the new year:<br />
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<h3>
Finding support in the breast cancer community</h3>
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I started off 2017 no longer blanketed in active treatment and was suddenly left to flounder my way through life after cancer. Feelings of fear and uncertainty quickly creeped up leaving me in one of the darkest places I had been since being diagnosed. Through social media, I found out about an event called the YSC (Young Survival Coalition) Summit for young breast cancer survivors and was hesitant to go at first because I didn’t know anyone there but I jumped in with both feet and am so glad I did. I made connections with survivors from around the world and finally found other women who really got it! Fast forward a few months later to attending Boobyball in Vancouver, a fundraising event to raise money for Rethink Breast Cancer. I went with a fellow survivor who flew down to meet me for the occasion and we made a weekend out of it getting glammed up in our best 80s aerobics attire, hiking the trails in Tofino and bonding over our love of travel, food, and fur babies!<br />
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</h3>
<h3>
Living life to the fullest</h3>
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There was always a reason for me not to make plans: I had my monthly Zoladex injections, bloodwork, scans, appointments with my doctors and upcoming surgeries. It was hard to plan for the future when I didn’t know what would be happening from one month to the next. I was tired of putting my life on hold after spending half of 2016 going through chemo and radiation treatments. So I began to take control, make a plan to live life to the fullest, and not have it revolve around my appointments 24/7. I made time for myself and was fortunate enough to spend 3 weeks travelling throughout the islands of Hawaii as well as trips to Vegas, Seattle, San Francisco, Toronto, and exploring my home territory on Vancouver Island. Instead of saying I can’t, I began saying I CAN and accomplished things I would have never imagined like participating in the 5km CIBC Run for the Cure.<br />
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<h3>
NED!!!</h3>
<div>
<br /></div>
Yes, I finally got to hear those 3 beautiful words…NO EVIDENCE (of) DISEASE! I had a lumpectomy in 2016 but it wasn’t until halfway through my treatments that I found out the margins weren’t clear after getting a second opinion from another pathologist. Almost a year to the day from my first surgery, I went in for a prophylactic bilateral mastectomy with immediate latissimus dorsi flap reconstruction to ensure any remaining cancer cells were gone. When I got that call two weeks later from my surgeon with those words we all want to here, I finally found that breath of relief…I was NED!<br />
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<h3>
From crazy chemo curls to pixie cuts</h3>
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When my hair started growing back after treatment, the last thing I wanted to do was cut it. I didn’t want to risk cutting off any of that precious chemo hair growth but I was starting to grow a mullet which needed to be tamed. It was definitely all business in the front and a crazy chemo curl party in the back. I went in to see my hairdresser 9 months post chemo and played it safe at first with a quick trim but as the next month went by and my hair started to grow more, I realized how much I missed my short pixie hair. It was cute, easy to style, and a perfect cut for my fine hair. So, almost a year post chemo I went in and chopped the rest of my chemo curls off. It felt amazing to be in the driver’s seat this time and be cutting it off with a purpose and not because cancer was taking it away from me. </div>
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<div>
<h4>
So, what’s next for 2018?</h4>
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<br /></div>
<h3>
Gratitude</h3>
<div>
<br /></div>
I’m starting my new year with a gratitude jar, an awesome idea created by Josie Robinson. She has a simple guide to follow that’s called give THANKS: <b>T</b>hink about what you’re grateful for. <b>H</b>ave an open mind. <b>A</b>llow yourself to feel gratitude. <b>N</b>ote your gratitude. <b>K</b>eep it in a jar or other special place. <b>S</b>hare it with someone else. You can put a note in the jar every day, week or month and could be anything from clear scans, going on a trip away, or even just a message from a family member or friend. It’s important for us to focus on what we are grateful for and look at the positive aspects of life rather than just the negative. At the end of the year, it will be fun to go back and look to see what has happened throughout the year and remind myself of what I am grateful for.<br />
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<h3>
No More Surgeries!</h3>
<div>
<br /></div>
Well, that's my goal anyways. Breast reconstruction is never a perfect process and has taught me a lot of patience and understanding with my body. Like many women, I went into my reconstruction surgery with high expectations and came out with feelings of disappointment. There were indents, loose skin, and the implant was sitting to high and pulling to one side. After speaking to my surgeon, it was decided that I will need to remove the excess skin, do fat grafting to fill in the gaps and smooth things out, and skim off part of the lat flap so that it sits more flush with the rest of my breast. I am due to go in for another surgery within the next couple of months for breast revisions and hopefully count this one as my last!</div>
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<h3>
Back to work</h3>
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It’s been a long year and a half since I took a medical leave of absence from work. My career was finally starting to take off and I was focused more than ever on slaying my goals. But plans changed and a breast cancer diagnosis forced me to put my career on hold and focus instead on my health and wellbeing. The keener that I was told my boss that I would be back to work within 6 months but the reality was I would be off much longer. I am currently working with my doctors, counsellors and a rehabilitation team to successfully get me back to work in the near future. I’m anxious to return but also a bit nervous as I continue to work my way through the long term physical and emotional side effects of treatment and life after cancer.<br />
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<h3>
Travel, travel and more travel!</h3>
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I love to travel! Anytime an opportunity arises, I have my bags packed and am ready to go on another adventure. My parents used to take my siblings and I on numerous road trips growing up crammed into their old Cutlass Supreme. Needless to say, there were many fights but also a lot of good times and instilled in me the desire and passion to travel. Next up is the YSC Summit in Orlando to reunite with and meet new breasties from all over. But what I’ve really been saving up for is a trip to Italy with my husband. I’ve wanted to go ever since I did my grade 5 project on this beautiful country so my husband and I are planning to make it happen this year. Life’s too short and I’ve learned to live in the moment now while I have my health and happiness.</div>
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<span style="background-color: white; font-size: x-large;"><span style="color: magenta; font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><b>Happy New Year!</b></span></span></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14952934406549397055noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2578845459951611306.post-87835425355912531122017-12-14T23:50:00.002-08:002017-12-15T05:07:13.112-08:00The good, the bad, and the ugly It’s hard to believe that it’s already been 6 months since my bilateral mastectomy and immediate latissimus dorsi flap breast reconstruction. Prior to my surgery, I found a lot of the information online to be focused on mastectomies using a tissue expander or implant only and it was difficult to access any personal first-hand experience with this particular procedure. I’ve posted previously on this procedure (<a href="http://smilethroughthefog.blogspot.ca/2017/07/bye-bye-boobies.html">here</a> and <a href="http://smilethroughthefog.blogspot.ca/2017/11/out-with-old-in-with-foobs.html">here</a>) but I wanted to open the conversation more and share some of the good, the bad, and the ugly post lat flap.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhdvCv9kCqly6pk9SConwTq4hq_aBSJ5uMAGVd6I3BJBJFd3iZCUjfaSSHWj4iZU2FiTjLoqxdilt7C7UGretj7Hy7eLWCiYOJTSYJnim4AvpKeyFkP9MQbkQETLmEicU1KNpcDTdstv_6r/s1600/IMG_20170712_132515.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1564" data-original-width="1564" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhdvCv9kCqly6pk9SConwTq4hq_aBSJ5uMAGVd6I3BJBJFd3iZCUjfaSSHWj4iZU2FiTjLoqxdilt7C7UGretj7Hy7eLWCiYOJTSYJnim4AvpKeyFkP9MQbkQETLmEicU1KNpcDTdstv_6r/s320/IMG_20170712_132515.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">June 2017 - 2 weeks post surgery </td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">December 2017 - 6 months post surgery </td></tr>
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<h4>
<b>The Pros</b></h4>
<h3>
I didn’t have any major complications post surgery. </h3>
Between getting an infection in my lumpectomy site last year and having a compromised immune system since chemo, you could say I was slightly paranoid going into this surgery. Thankfully, all that I had were some minor blips like a buildup of fluid in my back (seroma) which is very common after this procedure and some swelling. Other than that, it was smooth sailing (well as smooth as you can get for getting cut almost the entire circumference of my body!)<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEil4fpOBmo8oFIGPbBmJYySyW5LGXKmEzuydwxFF0hPn8WWEieTOPqdXTGhn9p30AYJhLsXnhumwwbaR19N2JoXK3BbUjE8cHVh-TbS6jgk346YNjn7u0W_T1a8See5VzH8Jp9IPL-BbXAr/s1600/20171214_223600.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="900" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEil4fpOBmo8oFIGPbBmJYySyW5LGXKmEzuydwxFF0hPn8WWEieTOPqdXTGhn9p30AYJhLsXnhumwwbaR19N2JoXK3BbUjE8cHVh-TbS6jgk346YNjn7u0W_T1a8See5VzH8Jp9IPL-BbXAr/s200/20171214_223600.jpg" width="112" /></a><br />
<h3>
The scars across my breasts and back have smoothed out. </h3>
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<div>
What began as raised bumpy incisions, faded out to smooth scars. I’ve been using <a href="https://www.honest.com/bath-and-body/organic-all-purpose-balm">this</a> Honest company healing balm which works like a dream as well as this Aveeno daily moisturizing lotion to keep the skin and scar tissue hydrated. Also, for aesthetic purposes, my plastic surgeon made sure to cut the incision across my bra/bikini line so it can be easily covered up if desired.<br />
<h3>
The tightness in my back has eased up. </h3>
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I went from walking like the Tinman from Wizard of Oz to feeling a lot more relaxed in my gait. Physiotherapy sessions provided me with a good list of exercises and stretches that I could easily do at home including working with resistance bands. I also took up <a href="http://yogawithadriene.com/30days/">this</a> 30-day yoga challenge with Adriene which incorporated many of the poses recommended by my physiotherapist to stretch the back and chest muscles.<br />
<h3>
More natural shaped breasts. </h3>
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<div>
The lat flap has given my breasts a more natural appearance than just an implant alone. Because I had radiation prior to my mastectomy, the skin and tissue were really tight leading to possible issues with asymmetry. By using a piece of healthy tissue from my back and transferring it to the middle of my breast, it has allowed for more elasticity of the skin and offset the effects of radiation. <b><br /></b><br />
<h4>
<b>The Cons</b></h4>
<h3>
Lollipop scars. </h3>
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<div>
Since I don’t wear a bra most times, I have to be very careful with my clothing choices. Anything white or light coloured easily shows the scars or lines through my shirt. I find myself trying on top after top with my eyes going straight to my chest. It’s hard not to notice something that I’m hyper aware of so I’ve begun sticking to darker colours or clothing made out of thicker material. <br />
<h3>
The tightness across my back. </h3>
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<div>
I know, I know. I just said that was getting better BUT it is still there. I find myself often explaining to people that it feels like I’m wearing a bra all the time that’s a little too tight in the band. Both my surgeon and oncologist recommended seeing a massage therapist to break down the scar tissue and also help with some of the tension on my affected side. I feel like I’m overcompensating at times and still have some issues with cording around my shoulder. While the yoga has helped a lot, it still needs a lot of deep tissue release (and time) to get things moving again. </div>
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<h3>
The loss of sensation in my back. </h3>
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While the appearance doesn’t bother me so much, it is troublesome not being able to feel a 2-inch wide band across my entire back. I have to look in the mirror when applying lotion to my scar as I can’t feel whether I’m applying it on the right area or everywhere but. It’s an eerie feeling. I once felt a needle like poke in my back around the scar line and wondered if I had been stung by a bee. It can be disconcerting not being able to identify pain, heat, or sensations in part of my back.<br />
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Am I happy overall with my
decision to have breast reconstruction? Yes. But am I anxious to have all of
these surgeries done and over with? Absolutely. I’ve spent so much time
anticipating the end of surgeries and this whole breast cancer saga that I find
myself constantly trying to push appointments ahead of schedule to speed things
up. I am growing impatient and want nothing more than to put this all behind me.
After my implant exchange surgery, I had my hopes up of being one and done. But
I experienced the same disappointment that many women experience after breast reconstruction.
The dents, the harsh edges, the loose skin. <o:p></o:p></div>
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But I’ve come to have more respect and compassion for my body. It may not be perfect but it's a work in progress. Next step is seeing my plastic surgeon next week to discuss revisions and hopefully close this chapter once and for all.<br />
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14952934406549397055noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2578845459951611306.post-35112055168308711702017-12-08T15:37:00.004-08:002017-12-08T15:48:54.189-08:00Scanxiety <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<br />
If you asked me what scanxiety was prior to my diagnosis, I would have responded with a confused look on my face. SCANXIETY? What does that even mean?? <br />
<br />
The tough reality is that we all experience this at some point after being diagnosed with cancer. Fear and anxiety at the thought of another scan. The waiting, the worrying, the what if’s. All those feelings come flooding back and you quickly realize that it’s not just about what will happen but remembering what did happen. <br />
<br />
The hospital gowns, the poke of a needle, the sounds of the machine buzzing around you, the voices telling you to lie still, the pangs of hunger after fasting all night.<br />
<br />
The shock, the denial, the fear, the anger, and the acceptance. It all comes back to that life changing moment when you’re told you have cancer. <br />
<br />
I can’t help but notice how long the tech spends imaging a certain area and find myself searching their face for signs of hope and reassurance. Do they look relieved? Concerned? Often times I am met with a poker face leaving me with the dreaded feeling of anxiety awaiting the results. A scan prior to a cancer diagnosis was to check for a minor blip in our health. A quick little band-aid fix and we were on our way. But now a scan can mean something much more sinister. <br />
<br />
Time seems to stand still and I find myself treading that fine line between denial and acceptance. There’s a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach trying to prepare myself for the worst while also hoping for the best. People often say things like “think positive” and “live in the present moment” but it’s hard not to think about the very harsh realities of it all. <br />
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Then the day comes when the results are in. As the doctor enters the room, my anxiety builds and I find myself once again searching their face for clues. Part of me wants to run while the other knows it’s time to face the truth. The news comes back though and everything is clear! Cue the music, the bubbly, the pomp and circumstance. While there’s a feeling of relief it’s not the celebration that one might expect. It feels like I’ve bought more time, but the question still lingers…will I be so lucky next time?Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14952934406549397055noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2578845459951611306.post-56378853143916736652017-11-13T07:07:00.001-08:002017-11-13T07:37:05.057-08:00Out with the old, in with the foobsNever in a million years did I think that my regular vocabulary would include things like breast cancer, reconstruction, expanders, and that I would have to “shop” for the right size and shape breasts to replace my own. But here I am six weeks post implant exchange surgery.<br />
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<div>
After waiting 5 months for my body to fully recover and strengthen from my bilateral mastectomy with immediate latissimus dorsi flap reconstruction, I had my expanders swapped out on October 2, 2017 for 210cc Natrelle Inspira smooth round gel implants. I was nervous going in for yet another surgery (my third in just over a year) but also felt anxious and excited to get these rock hard expanders out and move on with my life. Since I would be returning home the same day, I didn’t pack any personal belongings with me to the hospital other than the clothes I was wearing, my cell phone and a list of my current medications. Once I was checked in, the nurse went through my medical history and then it was time to gown up and wait. Surgeries were running behind that day so I anxiously waited until my name was called an hour later to go back into the surgical area.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjiijzrPSWIx7tp1vEMHTFXR7-M0ZePDM0BzbUMgTUW7AMvn0xdj0IrVFVpYM_f0Vxg9OgZ4WK_U2AzUS5FlOFXmhyHkFQ9TyGqZUrVHAnbh3SiG-nlxcc8yRaISRpmHnTKPLW0CNQHdcpn/s1600/IMG_20171002_201743_744.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="900" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjiijzrPSWIx7tp1vEMHTFXR7-M0ZePDM0BzbUMgTUW7AMvn0xdj0IrVFVpYM_f0Vxg9OgZ4WK_U2AzUS5FlOFXmhyHkFQ9TyGqZUrVHAnbh3SiG-nlxcc8yRaISRpmHnTKPLW0CNQHdcpn/s320/IMG_20171002_201743_744.jpg" width="180" /></a><br />
The anesthesiologist spoke with me first and explained what she was going to do which helped calm my nerves and set up the IV line to get things started. My plastic surgeon then came in to draw out where he would be making the incisions to do the exchange. In order to minimize scarring, he would cut into the existing scar line from where the latissimus dorsi flap had been placed rather than going in from the underside of my breasts. Normally, a 2-3 inch incision would be made just big enough to remove the expander and swap for the implant; however, my left breast still had a couple inches of loose skin that needed to be removed which would require a bigger incision. <br />
<br />
I walked down to the operating room afterwards where I was met again with the anesthesiologist, plastic surgeon, and nurses that would be working on me. Within moments of laying down on the operating table, I was put off into dreamland until I awoke almost an hour and a half later in the post anesthesia care unit (PACU). As the anesthetic began to wear off, I noticed the scratchiness in my throat from the breathing tube and slight pain in my left breast. My chest had been wrapped in a tensor bandage and I had an intermittent pneumatic compression (IPC) device pulsating on my legs to prevent any blood clots. I was still quite groggy from the anesthetic so I let myself drift in and out of sleep until I was ready to wake a few minutes later. </div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhoA4cM7K_sy4E6bPPnyL2WTQUtgMq5exMYvTAeunr9iY-eNQiibOHqBUwgHKmPMQTlCKQnTO26a49-L9N0iqbiGn3BHpf9vpCG6H9IAG2nHfNOlOipuikrMtChRk6CHVS6GTwvVCT83fBD/s1600/IMG_20171002_163210_187.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="900" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhoA4cM7K_sy4E6bPPnyL2WTQUtgMq5exMYvTAeunr9iY-eNQiibOHqBUwgHKmPMQTlCKQnTO26a49-L9N0iqbiGn3BHpf9vpCG6H9IAG2nHfNOlOipuikrMtChRk6CHVS6GTwvVCT83fBD/s320/IMG_20171002_163210_187.jpg" width="180" /></a>Once I was able to sit up on my own and move around, the IPC was removed and I was wheeled off to the recovery room. The nurse checked my bandages and pain levels and asked me shortly afterwards if I felt ready to go home. I was still a bit groggy but otherwise in good enough shape to make my move and bust out of the hospital. As soon as I got up though to put on my clothes, a wave of nausea came over me and I had to lay back down. Thankfully I still had the IV port in so the nurse administered some anti nausea medication which made me feel better almost immediately…and with it, very tired as well. I dozed off again and probably could’ve slept there all night but I wanted nothing more than to get back into the comfort of my own home and was finally released three hours post surgery. <br />
<br />
Before leaving the hospital, I was given a prescription for some pain medication as well as five days worth of antibiotics. Because my immune system was still somewhat compromised since chemotherapy treatments and the history I’ve had in the past with infections, the antibiotics were given to me as a preventative measure just in case. On the drive home, I used a seatbelt pillow that was given to me from the hospital post mastectomy to help pad the area around my breasts as it felt tender from the bruising especially on my left side. When I got home, I laid down on the couch until my husband awoke me for dinner. I hadn’t eaten since 10pm the night before and was starving! My left breast was still in pain from being cut more so I took one of the prescribed pain meds and went to bed for the night.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEicUQ_0bvEsSJmMi_lmSAOHTjFbhbK6pqj9_zSEG6gJx5Xm9iILsHM6oFMNlx93BV-2iQcDpBD3p3IGbHLZ8EiTHNb7t81kr9F8QySUoW91_5YCVXy-Dv-gp7c5jALpOclchYpF18VjHDk0/s1600/20171002_200222.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="900" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEicUQ_0bvEsSJmMi_lmSAOHTjFbhbK6pqj9_zSEG6gJx5Xm9iILsHM6oFMNlx93BV-2iQcDpBD3p3IGbHLZ8EiTHNb7t81kr9F8QySUoW91_5YCVXy-Dv-gp7c5jALpOclchYpF18VjHDk0/s320/20171002_200222.jpg" width="180" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Back at home 6 hours post surgery</td></tr>
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When I woke up the next day, I still had a bit of pain in my left breast so I decided to take another pain med to help take the edge off. I’ve had issues in the past with pain medication making me ill but I figured since I didn’t have any issues the night before that it would be fine. Ugh was I ever wrong. I ended up feeling sick for hours until the medication finally worked its way out of my system. As I started to feel better, I noticed the bandages across my
chest were beginning to unravel and soak through. The nurses had given me
instructions prior to the leaving the hospital to wear a compression or sports
bra once the bandages were ready to come off so I had my sister drive me down
to the local pharmacy where I found <a href="http://www.amoena.com/us-en/pocketed-lingerie/post-surgery-frances-bra-2128-white/">this</a> soft comfortable front closure compression bra by Ameona. Even though I could have removed the bandages that day, I just
didn’t feel emotionally ready yet and decided to wear the compression bra over
top until the next day.</div>
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<o:p></o:p></div>
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I found myself in front of the mirror the next morning feeling anxious just as I did when I removed the bandages from my lumpectomy the year before and then again after my mastectomy in June. It’s hard to have part of your body amputated and hope that you can feel a sense of normalcy and happiness with your body again. After a few deep breaths though, I took off the bandages and felt a mixture of emotions. I was overall happy with the way my breasts looked but also disappointed as I began noticing the little imperfections. Roughly half of the scar on my left breast had been cut into to swap out the implants whereas the right had an incision about 2-3 inches long but there was still a bit of loose skin remaining on the lower part of my left breast and some denting/rippling in spots. Although breast reconstruction has come a long way over the years, it is still very difficult to restore breasts to their natural shape and size again. All of the breast tissue has been removed leaving only an implant and, in some cases like mine, donated tissue to work with to reconstruct new breasts.<br />
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Throughout the week following surgery, I had been experiencing some low-lying nausea which my doctor attributed to the antibiotics but the pain and bruising was beginning to subside in my breasts. My plastic surgeon had advised prior to surgery that the recovery time would be about 2 weeks but I was still able to get out walking and move around, just no heavy lifting or running. I still had to be careful with sleeping as the incisions needed time to heal but the pain and discomfort from the expanders was noticeably gone. I wore my new compression bra day and night but cheated and snuck on a bralette a couple times to see how they looked. The implants already felt so much squishier and looked much more full and natural than the expanders. Plus, the recovery from this seemed like such a breeze compared to my last surgery.</div>
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At my follow-up appointment two weeks later, the plastic surgeon removed the remaining steri strips on my breasts and cleaned the incision areas which were healing up nicely. Although I was hoping that this would be the last surgery, I knew there was the possibility for some minor surgeries later on to touch up any imperfections. I voiced my concern about the excess skin and denting but he advised that it could take months for the swelling to fully go down and for the implants to settle into place. Because of this, he didn’t want to even consider doing any touch ups for at least a couple more months until things had settled more into place. Patience is not my strong suit but I trust my surgeon and knew it was best to wait. In the meantime, I needed to take it easy for another 4-6 weeks which meant no running, no high impact exercises or basically anything that would jar my breasts.</div>
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Before I left the surgeon’s office, the receptionist handed me some paperwork which she explained was my registration and warranty for the implants. I had a little chuckle at first at the fact a part of my body was now warrantied and registered. But in all seriousness, implants are now registered for the safety and well being of patients in the event that there is a recall on faulty breast implants which, although very very rare, can happen. This whole thing is a learning process and something that I would have never imagined having to ever worry or think about but it is just part of my life now.<br />
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It’s now been six weeks since my surgery and am slowly trying to adjust back into a normal routine. I’ve just recently begun some gentle yoga and light weights and have noticed the implants settling more into place. The denting on the bottom of my left breast has softened up although there is still a fold of loose skin which I will likely discuss with my plastic surgeon about removing at my next appointment on December 28th. My body is not perfect and I am reminded of what I have endured every time I look in the mirror and see my scars looking back at me. But I am learning to practice self love and embrace this new body of mine and all of its imperfections. </div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">From every wound there is a scar, and every scar tells a story. A story that says, I survived.</td></tr>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14952934406549397055noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2578845459951611306.post-46881706597415873142017-09-25T13:47:00.002-07:002017-09-25T14:49:02.521-07:00Expanders, foobies, frankenboobs, rocks, boulders...what do you call them?<div style="text-align: left;">
Expanders, foobies, frankenboobs, rocks, boulders. These are just a few of the names for tissue expanders coined by other breast cancer survivors.</div>
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After the mastectomy and lat flap reconstruction, it was an adjustment period getting used to these new foobies. I felt like I was walking around like a robot at times because the circumference of my upper body felt so stiff. The incision areas on my breasts felt hypersensitive and anything that touched them, even just the touch of a light shirt, made me feel uncomfortable. My lower back still felt inflamed from where the drains once were so I continued to sleep with multiple pillows stacked around me to prop me up in bed. I’ve been a side sleeper all my life so having to sleep on my back was awkward and uncomfortable and left me with many sleepless nights.<br />
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About a week after my surgery, I was feeling so tense in my back and asked my husband if he could give me a massage to try and loosen things up. As he began rubbing my back, he noticed a big bulge on the right-hand side of my lower back. It felt like there was fluid rippling under my skin. I jumped up to take a look for myself in the mirror and was shocked at how large the pocket was which seemed to develop overnight. The plastic surgeon had told me prior to surgery that it was quite common to develop a seroma after the lat flap procedure so I crossed my fingers that it was nothing more. Once you’ve been diagnosed with cancer, it’s hard not to have every alarm bell sounding in your head when a new side effect comes up.<br />
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I set up an appointment with my plastic surgeon the next day to get it checked out. As soon as he took a look at it, he confirmed it was in fact a seroma and told me it would need to be drained. Nothing serious but more of a nuisance than anything. If there was going to be a side effect, I seemed to get it! With a quick poke of a needle, a numbing agent was used to freeze the area of my back and then a syringe was used to extract the fluid. The syringe was nearly full with just over 50mL of fluid removed from the pocket in my back. He said it would likely continue to fill over the coming weeks until the surrounding tissue healed over and filled the pocket so I would need to go back and have it drained again. <br />
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The following week after my little seroma scare, the incisions on my breasts were finally fully healed over and I was able to go in my first tissue expander fill. My expanders had already been filled to 120cc during my mastectomy and lat flap reconstruction surgery four weeks prior and I would be getting an additional 60cc fill at this appointment. I was nervous going in as I didn’t know what to expect and was worried that it would be painful but the surgeon assured me that I would be okay. As I sat in the chair, he felt around my breast for the expander port which was located near the top of each breast and then inserted a needle into it. The saline was then inserted into each expander with a syringe that held the 60ml of fluid and took about one minute to fill on each side. Once I got past the initial poke of the needle, the actual fill wasn’t painful other than a bit of pressure from the fluid going in. It was weird to look down afterwards and see that my breasts were suddenly a cup size bigger! Once both of my expanders were filled, I needed to get the seroma drained again in my back. The fluid level had gone down with only 30ml extracted this time but it would likely need to be drained again in another week or two. Once the fluid reached a low enough level, my body would naturally reabsorb the excess. <br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj0bPTdEZeRL4TZtdPwl1SKE0tJQ_v800Ppe35Jf6BLP1P_nu9x3d0Om7NVTOgq47iv5SJbGsRzf_blhehIHMt0_kH80LomtND8SZRry8PHG5BrVfTKtHzuPZwUIxyf3jeMO4W2UXkd94vL/s1600/20170713_095951.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj0bPTdEZeRL4TZtdPwl1SKE0tJQ_v800Ppe35Jf6BLP1P_nu9x3d0Om7NVTOgq47iv5SJbGsRzf_blhehIHMt0_kH80LomtND8SZRry8PHG5BrVfTKtHzuPZwUIxyf3jeMO4W2UXkd94vL/s320/20170713_095951.jpg" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Fill 'em up!</td></tr>
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After my first fill, I went about my day and didn’t experience any pain or discomfort other than what I had already been experiencing post surgery. Still some tightness across my chest and back which was to be expected and twinges of pain here and there in my foobies, especially in my left breast. My radiated side was quite tight however the left side had excess skin (which would be removed during my implant exchange) and was allowing the expander to move and rub in spots. It wasn’t until I lay down in bed later that night that I noticed how much bigger these foobies felt which took some adjusting to. It took awhile to find a comfortable position but I found that bear hugging a soft squishy pillow in front of me helped provide some cushion and comfort between the rock hard boulders on my chest.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEidoGrY-pmBYBIu9A64wvzCQ-QI0DmK0RzbgvXnAerGhr6cjMQJEjjA2Vh3XfQrWXKIw8ME0L32eZ2g3WzV2jDUWXHKvtLSW7asRasll44nrIE-CKHUOIx6rrI4nKdum3_kBbSXjYWUqFNY/s1600/20170810_093454.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEidoGrY-pmBYBIu9A64wvzCQ-QI0DmK0RzbgvXnAerGhr6cjMQJEjjA2Vh3XfQrWXKIw8ME0L32eZ2g3WzV2jDUWXHKvtLSW7asRasll44nrIE-CKHUOIx6rrI4nKdum3_kBbSXjYWUqFNY/s320/20170810_093454.jpg" width="240" /></a>Up until my first fill, I had been wearing mostly loose-fitting tank tops that I could easily step into and shimmy on from the feet up as it was still hard to maneuver a top over my head. There were also a lot of tops that I didn’t feel comfortable wearing because the incisions on my breasts were still quite pronounced leaving me with lollipop like scars which poked through my t-shirts. I was anxious though to start getting an idea of what size I was after my first fill so with my best friend in tow, I went to try on some bralettes. Because of the incision across my back, I was looking for something with a soft wide band that wouldn’t dig in and it still felt quite uncomfortable with anything rubbing on that area. Underwire was also out of the question and anything halter style because my range of motion still needed a bit of work especially on my affected side. I found myself going back to the same style of bralette including <a href="https://www.forever21.com/us/shop/Catalog/Product/f21/intimates_loungewear-bras/2000236705">this</a> sheer floral lace bralette from Forever 21 and <a href="https://www.wacoal-america.com/halo-lace-wire-free-bra-wacoal-811205-p.html">this</a> Halo soft cup bralette from Wacoal as they were the most comfortable and supportive.<br />
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Despite only being at 180cc, I was pretty happy with the size they were at. I had asked other women who’d gone through breast reconstruction how many fills they had done and what worked for them but it’s really hard to know what the “right” size is for your own body. Everyone’s bodies are different so what 250, 500, or 750cc might look like on one person may look completely different on another. I’ve always been heavy chested all my life so I wanted to go smaller and aim for something that was more proportionate to my body. Prior to surgery, I was wearing between a 30E/F and 32DDD bra and had a very difficult time finding bras and bikini tops that fit. As it was, I was trying on bralettes in a size Small or around a 32C bra which seemed to fit comfortably. <br />
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The day I was scheduled to see my surgeon for my last fill, I decided to go shopping again, this time for bikini tops. Part of me was confident that I wanted to stay at this size but part of me didn’t want to go too small either so I wanted to try on a few things to confirm. Trying on bikini tops with these new foobs was much different. Anything with an underwire or added padding was not going to work so I went for something that wasn't heavily lined and provided ample coverage. My absolute favourite were <a href="https://www.lavieenrose.com/en/high-neck-bikini-top-black-68795">these</a> halter style tops from La Vie En Rose. They kept my foobies intact and covered, while still giving me the look of having some cleavage. Some of the strapless styles looked great but I was worried about having “scar slips” without noticing so found having an option with a strap would be more comfortable for me. <br />
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When I went in to see my surgeon later that day, he asked if we were doing another fill and I told him I was comfortable with the size they were at. He encouraged me to spend some more time getting used to the size and to come back to see him in a month just in case I changed my mind. In the meantime, I still needed to get the seroma in my back checked which was still looking puffy. He froze the area once again and drained the fluid that had been building up since the last time I had seen him 12 days prior. Only 15ml came out this time which meant my body was finally starting to reabsorb the fluid and the cavity in my back was filling in. <br />
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I had brought a long list of questions with me to ask after my checkup. My memory is still not the greatest these days so I write down all of my questions leading up to my appointments in case there’s anything I forget…which is a lot! I was anxious to know the details about my next surgery including how soon could I get it done. We had originally discussed waiting 6 months from my initial surgery date to allow for time to do the fills once every 2 weeks and for the scars to heal and strengthen. Since I wasn’t getting anymore fills though and the scars were already looking better than anticipated, he estimated that we could do the implant exchange in about 3 months which was much to my avail.<br />
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We then discussed the different types of breast implants available with options including saline, silicone, round, teardrop, and textured. My surgeon recommended that I go with the Natrelle round silicone implants rather than the textured teardrop implants as there is an extremely low risk (but a risk nonetheless) of developing a type of cancer called Anaplastic Large Cell Lymphoma (ALCL). According to the FDA, the risk of ALCL is higher in women who have textured implants, which have a bumpy surface, as opposed to smooth implants. I was worried at first about getting round implants and having Barbie like boobs but he assured me that they will still look very natural. The silicone implants will naturally sit lower in the breast at a standing position giving it a bit of a teardrop shape and take on a flatter and rounder shape lying down. When it comes to implant sizing, a number of factors are considered including diameter and projection. In order to stay within the same diameter and have similar projection to the current expanders, I would need to go up to either a 210cc or 240cc implant to match. It sounded like quite a size difference but the surgeon advised me that the implants sit more flat while the expanders project out quite a bit more. </div>
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Over the next month, the incisions on my breasts and back were beginning to heal more and more, leaving a thin formation of pink scars. The skin on my radiated side was starting to stretch out and drop thanks to the lat flap transfer making my breast feel more natural. And the tightness was easing up across my back. The surgeon recommended that I get the scars massaged once the seroma in my back healed which would help loosen them up even more (I still haven’t done this but have plans to do this in the future). I was also finally beginning to sleep on my side comfortably which was a huge plus although it was still hard to sleep directly on my foobies because of how hard they were (think sleeping on two hard rocks). <br />
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I started going to physical therapy a couple of months after surgery to work on my range of motion and to find some exercises that would help regain my strength in and around my lat muscles where the flap had been removed. It wasn’t until I began doing the exercises that I realized how weakened the muscles were. The physiotherapist told me to work at it slow and steady so as not to injure myself along the way and set myself back. Hard for someone stubborn like me who just wants to get right back into things. As I regained my range of motion, I tried on some of my old clothes and found that a lot of tops fit differently in the bust. They got thrown into a donation pile along with the small fortune of bras and bikinis that no longer fit. <br />
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Since this surgery, I have lost a lot of feeling around the circumference of my body, making me more aware of the potential for scar slips which may have happened once or twice already. My breasts have some feeling around the outside close to the chest wall but what I mostly feel is just pressure. And while I have regained some feeling in my back from where the drains once were, there is about a 4-5 inch band across my entire back that I have absolutely no feeling at all. It’s strange to lose sensation on parts of your body and is eerie to touch but you get accustomed to it over time. To this day, I still have a lot of numbness in my underarm where the lymph nodes were removed during my first surgery last year and am cautiously aware when I go to shave. <br />
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After sixteen months of treatments and surgeries, I just want to move on and adjust to this new body of mine. While some people think this is a free boob job, to me this is trying to regain a sense of normalcy again after having to amputate my breasts. On October 2nd, 2017 I will be going in for my third and what I hope will be my last surgery since being diagnosed with breast cancer.</div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">One week til I'm rid of these boulders!</td></tr>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14952934406549397055noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2578845459951611306.post-82781439817274516772017-07-12T12:52:00.002-07:002017-07-13T08:07:31.318-07:00Bye Bye Boobies!After months of anticipation, countless meal prep, cleaning of the house and trying to get myself in the best shape possible, the big day was finally here for my bilateral mastectomy with immediate latissimus dorsi flap reconstruction. I had been called by the hospital admitting department the day prior to instruct me to be at the hospital the next day at 7:00 a.m. One year and 13 days after my lumpectomy, I was going in for surgery once again to ensure that any residual cancer cells left in my breasts were gone.<br />
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When I arrived at the hospital, one of the intake nurses went through a long list of questions with me about my current medication, medical history, etc. and then had me change into a hospital gown. I would have two surgeons working on me that day, a general surgeon to perform the bilateral mastectomy and a plastic surgeon to perform the breast reconstruction. The general surgeon came into the room and asked me if I was ready. I don’t think you can ever truly prepare yourself mentally to go through this type of surgery but he assured me that I would do great.<br />
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The plastic surgeon then came in and began his artwork on me, drawing the lines of where he would be cutting away my skin, my body, my breasts. He would be removing the scar from my lumpectomy along with my nipples and taking a flap of skin, muscle and tissue from my back to help construct my breasts along with expanders. As he finished and left the room to prepare for surgery, I looked at my body in the mirror one last time and said goodbye, wondering if I would remember what it once was. <br />
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A few minutes later, the nurse came in and told me they were ready for me. We walked down to the operating room where the surgeons, nurses and anesthesiologist were gowned and prepping for what was likely to be a 4 hour surgery. I laid down on the operating bed and felt nervous about what my body was about to endure. In less than a minute though, the IV had already been inserted and the anesthetic was running through my veins, quickly rendering me unconscious. <br />
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The next thing I remember is waking up to the bright lights of the recovery room. As my senses awakened, I became increasingly aware of the tight sensation across my back and chest. I had been cut around almost the entire circumference of my body, save a couple inches around my breasts and spine, leaving it difficult for my rib cage to fully expand and take a deep breath. I suffer from mild claustrophobia so the feeling of being confined and constricted threw me into a state of panic and anxiety. It felt like someone had duct taped my body so tight and I wanted so bad to just cut it off so that I could take a deep breath. I tried to calm myself down by trying to slow each breath but it wasn’t working and I finally had to ask for some medication to deal with the anxiety. <br />
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Once the anesthetic began wearing off, I started feeling the nausea wave over me and was given an extra dose of anti nauseants to keep it at bay. As I became more stable, I was transferred to the post surgical floor for close monitoring over the next three days. When I came out of the elevator, I saw my husband sitting in the waiting area and smiled. It gave me so much comfort to see him there and to have him holding my hand as the nurses settled me into my room. I was hooked up to oxygen and an IV and had what felt like a blood pressure cuff squeezing and constricting my legs which I later found out was an intermittent pneumatic compression (IPC) system to help the blood flow through my veins and prevent blood clots.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiJNQ4q-s1UZJwpsHeuVa0ioCYl-OzvT4OwC_yyc8bPyKM9QF6VjpsQeSEDG9lMPcClOLo433864SfhGw_RykNiFY2GwB7YcosB9UxwrkbBHhs5-YoTuPjyuylS0BTG2CeWi7AvBNvz4zhf/s1600/20170619_132915.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1219" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiJNQ4q-s1UZJwpsHeuVa0ioCYl-OzvT4OwC_yyc8bPyKM9QF6VjpsQeSEDG9lMPcClOLo433864SfhGw_RykNiFY2GwB7YcosB9UxwrkbBHhs5-YoTuPjyuylS0BTG2CeWi7AvBNvz4zhf/s320/20170619_132915.jpg" width="243" /></a><br />
Although I felt really tight across my body, it was more my back that I was experiencing pain and discomfort in. I didn't have a lot of sensation left in my chest (which was probably a good thing) and slowly realized I hadn’t even thought to look at what lie beneath my gown. I was nervous to see what remained of my breasts but knew that I had to face the inevitable. Once I looked down though I was pleasantly surprised with the results. The flaps from my back had been stitched into the middle of each breast and an expander had been placed underneath the skin with 120cc of saline. I actually had breasts! There were steri strips overtop the stitched areas to help close the wounds and a bandage across my back as added protection since I would be lying directly on it. I also had 4 drains coming out of my upper body, 2 in my breasts and 2 in my back, to help drain the excess fluid.<br />
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I was barely able to keep my eyes open that night even as the nurse came in every few hours to check my blood pressure and oxygen and to administer the next round of medication. Along with the anti nausea and pain meds, I was given antibiotics as a preventative measure as my white blood cell counts were still quite low even though it had been months since chemo ended. My breasts were also closely monitored to check for any changes in temperature or colour since there was the risk of my body rejecting the donor tissue.<br />
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When I awoke the next day, the hot flashes I had been experiencing since starting hormone therapy in December had increased ten-fold. I had cold towels on my head and neck to try and cool myself off but nothing seemed to be helping. Between the hot flashes, nausea and pain medication, my body finally had enough and I became sick. Thankfully it seemed to push a reset button on my body and I finally felt able enough to sit up in bed and get some food in me. Shortly afterwards, the general surgeon came in to see how I was doing and gave me an update on how my surgery went. He let me know that he successfully removed all the breast tissue and that he didn’t see anything suspicious but we still needed to wait for the pathology report to come back to confirm. That was a relief to hear!<br />
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The visitors started pouring in which was such a great distraction after everything I had just gone through. My best friend and my family were there with fresh flowers and fruit. I sat up in bed and felt somewhat normal being able to laugh and smile despite the circumstances. And my husband even offered to rub my feet and legs after being stuck in that IPC machine for the last 24 hours. It was a great way to relax after all of the stress and anxiety from the day before.<br />
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My plastic surgeon came in later that day to check up on me and I was surprised when he said he wanted me up and walking. The last thing on my mind was getting out of bed! He said the quicker I was getting up and moving, the quicker I would heal. So, I mustered up the courage to get out of bed later that day and was instantly taken aback at how hard it was to move my legs after being in bed for just a short time. I could barely lift my legs or feet managing only to shuffle my way along the floor. By the time I reached the door 10 feet away, I was exhausted and told myself I would have to try again the next day. I was physically and mentally drained from the day and what I really needed to right now was rest.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhnlNvIzw-tyo3MhoD6jAqB1Ov3DnaFWc1gxa4hma_wcFLflDAS8TNnuuIaoDfQnfqRj34pzHY0DJAQLUUGtCT-TJy4Iv4H-h2IImQcP2SK3uH1nGHW-M22hGXUjEKq4YGxDrXdThlaLYK3/s1600/20170618_075132.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="900" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhnlNvIzw-tyo3MhoD6jAqB1Ov3DnaFWc1gxa4hma_wcFLflDAS8TNnuuIaoDfQnfqRj34pzHY0DJAQLUUGtCT-TJy4Iv4H-h2IImQcP2SK3uH1nGHW-M22hGXUjEKq4YGxDrXdThlaLYK3/s320/20170618_075132.jpg" style="cursor: move;" width="180" /></a>The following day, I noticed that I had a couple of reddish lines running down my wrists. I called the nurse in and upon looking at it, realized that the vein attached to the IV had collapsed. She tried to find another vein, and then another, and failed at each attempt leaving me in tears. It brought me back to my chemo days when my veins started to hide and the nurses had to poke me numerous times to get the IV going. A call was made to my surgeon and he came in to see how I was doing and to put in an order for me to start taking my medication orally. I was so thankful I wouldn’t have to go through feeling like a pin cushion again a hundred times over.<br />
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My family and friends came in again throughout the day to talk and visit and brought me some of my favourite foods. The hospital meals left much to be desired so I was thankful to have something other than creamed oatmeal and questionable meat. My husband had also stock piled my night stand with a bunch of emergency healthy snacks. When everyone had left for the day though, I realized I still needed to get up walking and asked one of the care aides if he would help walk me down the hall. He took my hand and talked me through each step encouraging me to make it a little further until I finally needed a break. It was hard to believe that just 2 days ago I was walking 5km and now could barely make it down the hall without feeling out of breath.<br />
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When I returned to my room, I felt nauseated and exhausted. The nurse came in to take my blood pressure which began reading abnormally high and I felt like I was on the verge of getting sick again. I was given an extra dose of anti nausea medication and crashed out for the night barely able to be roused awake for the nurse to do her checks. As I awoke the next day though, I felt like the storm had finally passed. My nausea and blood pressure were beginning to settle and I became hopeful that I would get the all clear to go home. After being in the hospital for 3 days, I was ready to leave. <br />
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The plastic surgeon came in to do his assessment around noon and determine whether I was ready to be discharged. I was out walking the hall with my husband following doctor’s orders and chuckled when I seen him walk into my room and then quickly out with a puzzled look on his face. When he finally noticed me, he smiled and told me it was a good sign that I was out of bed. I slowly made my way back to the room so he could have a look at my incisions which he said were healing great. I was told that if I felt comfortable going home, I could go home, but if I wanted to stay that was okay too. No thanks. I was ready to break out!</div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiRg6y9FUm1vxKPcY6W8d1ajH0rz-14OQHYjrsP4-Ptp-PWU6_0lW3ONCDWDjeitlJLPfwlsFIKrwAJfYY1bt5kCDpgeqDeE8gkqBS2dnc5lCmFSfXm-tRA7ILIujOilvger9KpZhMrUkxc/s1600/IMG_20170618_152215_048.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1280" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiRg6y9FUm1vxKPcY6W8d1ajH0rz-14OQHYjrsP4-Ptp-PWU6_0lW3ONCDWDjeitlJLPfwlsFIKrwAJfYY1bt5kCDpgeqDeE8gkqBS2dnc5lCmFSfXm-tRA7ILIujOilvger9KpZhMrUkxc/s320/IMG_20170618_152215_048.jpg" width="256" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I'm going home!</td></tr>
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One of the nurses came in and went through my discharge instructions before leaving: no showering for 3 days, no driving for 4-6 weeks, no lifting more than 5 pounds - just to name a few. When we arrived back home, my husband propped me up on the couch with half a dozen pillows around me for support and I began binge watching The Keepers on Netflix. SO good! Trying to find a comfortable position to lay down at night though was the most challenging. It was hard to put pressure on my back due to the pain and discomfort from the incisions but I couldn’t lay on my side or chest either. My husband didn’t want to risk rolling over in his sleep and hurting me so we decided that it would be best if we slept apart until I was more healed. Between the discomfort and the hot flashes that continued to rage inside my body, I was left with little sleep. <br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEji-zRwRQ9d0llHaWVN-2wXco4y8D6J8C8SzSEPstPAaGdRhIjYUuOXS3qIw0ec48wtPLN2GBHWFJXVr8EKQNLV26US8i17Yd4qk8r8CS4I_5YtdKKgUw75yO1kYrEzxe47NcBfsXlyDhzZ/s1600/20170624_103551.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="900" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEji-zRwRQ9d0llHaWVN-2wXco4y8D6J8C8SzSEPstPAaGdRhIjYUuOXS3qIw0ec48wtPLN2GBHWFJXVr8EKQNLV26US8i17Yd4qk8r8CS4I_5YtdKKgUw75yO1kYrEzxe47NcBfsXlyDhzZ/s320/20170624_103551.jpg" width="179" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Peace out drains!</td></tr>
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I quickly realized at home how little I could do and how much help I was going to need. I could barely get my arms into the sleeves of a button up shirt or lift myself up and down off the toilet, and getting out of bed was one of the hardest things to do. It's amazing how much you use your back and chest muscles for everything! I couldn’t prepare food, bathe myself, or bend down to pick up something off the floor. Even holding a full glass of water warranted the use of both hands to support it. So, I focused instead on what I could do like working on my range of motion and keeping myself moving. I began setting goals for myself, walking to the end of the driveway and then moving on to the end of the road. My legs were still a bit shaky so I held onto my husband for support and attached the drains to a lanyard around my neck. I reminded myself to stretch my arms overhead a few times a day and pushed just a little further each day. <br />
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A week after my surgery, I went to see my plastic surgeon for my first follow up appointment. He was pleased with my range of motion so far and told me that the 2 drains in my breasts were ready to be removed. I had been packing these 4 little drain bulbs around like a new accessory and was so relieved to have less tubing to pack around and untangle. What I was really looking forward to though was getting the drains out of my back. They were burrowed under the skin in the lower left and right quadrants of my back and were incredibly uncomfortable. At night, it felt like I was laying on a cot...without the mattress. Not fun.</div>
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In order for the drains to be removed, there needed to be less than 25-30ml of fluid output in 24 hours. So, I drained the fluid from each bulb every morning over the next couple of days in the hopes that I could finally get rid of these pesky things and was excited when they finally began measuring less than 25ml. I went to the local clinic to have the nurse remove the drains which I knew would be a painful process. My husband held my hand tight as she pulled the drains out a few inches at a time, finally removing the 8 inches of tubing that was looped under the skin in my back.<br />
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I cried tears of joy that day and celebrated having my drains out with some ice cream. But once the weekend had ended and my husband returned to work, everything came crashing down on me. My emotions began spilling over, leaving me in a pool of tears that wouldn’t dry up. I had been suffering from insomnia due to the relentless hot flashes and discomfort in my back, my freedom and independence felt like it had been stripped away, and I was going stir crazy being at home. I felt alone and isolated and that people only saw how "good" I looked on the outside and didn't see the layers of emotional anguish beneath the surface.<br />
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After letting myself have my own pity party for a couple days, I realized it was time to shift my focus and get back on
track. It had been two weeks since my surgery and I was scheduled to go into
the clinic to get the steri strips removed from my breast and lat flap
incisions. As the nurse gently pulled them away, she let me know that everything was
healing up nicely and the incisions were almost entirely closed up. I still had a ways to heal and tissue expander fills in the upcoming weeks but so far I was really happy with
the results.<br />
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<o:p></o:p></div>
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When I got the call the next day from my surgeon letting me know that the pathology report came back clear, I felt a huge sense of relief come over me. The chemo and radiation treatments had worked and whatever residual cancer cells had been lingering in my breasts were gone. It was time for me to move forward and keep making the most
of this life that I was given. Best news ever! <br />
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<o:p></o:p></div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">BEST NEWS EVER!!!</td></tr>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14952934406549397055noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2578845459951611306.post-53352012495892338892017-06-14T16:35:00.001-07:002017-06-14T16:35:52.040-07:00Reflections <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<br />Throughout the years, I have struggled with confidence and self love. I developed quickly as a young girl and became very insecure about my breasts and my body. My mind distorted the way I looked at myself, fixating on its flaws and feeling the constant need to live up to an expectation that didn’t exist. <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Over this past year though, I’ve gained respect for my body. I had surgery to remove part of my breast and watched my hair fall out. I got stripped down to a raw state both physically and emotionally and felt vulnerable. And that’s when I finally began accepting myself for who I was. The scars on my chest…those are my battle wounds. The hair I no longer had on my head…bald IS beautiful. Those curves on my body…embrace them! <br /><br />I began looking at my body as a symbol of strength. My workouts were no longer measured in success by the number looking back at me on the scale but by the energy and strength I felt afterwards. The food I began putting in my body was to nourish and fuel it, not to starve it. My body was my vessel and I was going to use it to fight this thing.<br /><br />While I have finally come to a place of acceptance, there is no denying that I’m scared of what lies ahead tomorrow. To face the loss of something that has always been a part of me and to see my body change. I’ve spent these last few days looking at myself in the mirror and silently mourning the skin I was once uncomfortable in. <br /><br />But then I focus on the future. To hopefully hear those words one day that I am cancer free. To live my life freely and to be unapologetically me.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14952934406549397055noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2578845459951611306.post-43891774801131537362017-04-08T12:26:00.001-07:002017-04-08T12:26:42.377-07:00Reconstruction zone ahead<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Feel it on the First! Early detection is key!</td></tr>
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Despite going through surgery and treatments over the last 10 months, I have struggled with the uncertainty that I am “cancer free” moreso after the news from my oncologist in December. He had another pathologist look at my case and discovered there were a few microsatellites, or tumour cells, around the primary tumor removed 10 months ago. One of these cancerous cells had been cut in half during the surgery leaving the other half remaining in the breast. My oncologist assured me that the chemo and radiation should have destroyed them; however, he recommended a mastectomy to remove the entire breast tissue as a precautionary measure. I had already considered having a prophylactic (preventative) mastectomy but it now felt more real and also very unnerving that there were potentially cancerous cells still lingering in the shadows. <br />
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I followed up with my surgeon soon afterwards in the hopes of setting up a date to clear myself of any remaining cancer. Because I had just finished radiation, I was advised that my breast tissue wasn’t fully healed leaving me at higher risk of complications from surgery, including infection. The original lumpectomy site had taken almost 4 months to heal after becoming infected so that was the last thing we wanted to happen again. When he said he wanted to wait at least 6 months though, it made me panic at first. “How I can wait 6 months? What if something is growing inside me?!” He assured me that any residual cancer cells had been destroyed by the treatments and that the benefits of waiting greatly outweighed the risks. One of the benefits being that I would get immediate reconstruction done at the same time as the mastectomy.<br />
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Two weeks later, I sat down with the plastic surgeon who would be reconstructing my breasts to discuss my options. There are three options available here for breast reconstruction: implants, DIEP flap, and Latissimus Dorsi flap. I assumed I was getting implants since I thought it was the standard and hadn’t heard of the other 2 procedures. He told me however that there are too many risks and complications with using implants after radiation so that was quickly scratched off the list. We moved onto discussing the second option, DIEP flap, which involves removing the blood vessels as well as the skin and fat connected to them from the lower abdomen and transferring it to the chest to reconstruct a breast. The problem though was the lack of fat in my stomach area due to my petite size. Losing almost 15 pounds since going through treatment hadn’t helped either and I was just slowly gaining my weight back.<br />
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That left me with the last and only option, Latissimus Dorsi flap. This procedure involves making two horizontal incisions along either side of my back around the bra line and removing an oval flap of skin, fat, muscle, and blood vessels to reconstruct the breast. Expanders will then be placed in and pumped up with saline every 2 weeks to help stretch the skin until they reach a comfortable size. The surgery, scheduled for June 15, will take between 4 to 6 hours and I will be hospitalized for at least 3 days, with healing time taking anywhere between 8 to 12 weeks. I will have 4 incisions in total, 2 on my chest and 2 on my back, as well as drainage tubes to release any built-up fluids. In 6 months, the expanders will be replaced with a tear drop implant which will be a less invasive procedure with a shorter healing time.<br />
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Although I am excited to finally get this last part of my treatment done, I also wonder how I will fare through the process. I remember the day I took off my bandages from the lumpectomy and felt panicked thinking that I had lost half my boob. My breast was noticeably smaller, then swelled shortly after due to infection, then deflated from losing weight during chemo, and then began filling in slightly once I gained some of my weight back. I gradually learned to accept my body and began feeling more confident in myself than before. But as months went by and it healed from surgery and radiation, my breast was left full of thick hardened scar tissue making it difficult to sleep or put pressure on. Coupled with the lack of feeling and sensation, my breast has begun to feel alien to me, like it is no longer a part of my body anymore. I cringe when my doctors examine it and shy away when my husband goes to touch me. I can only imagine the grief and loss I will feel when I have both of my breasts removed and the time it will take to heal both on the inside and out. Physical scars may heal but it’s the emotional scars that can run deep and entangle us in a web of mental anguish and pain. <br />
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In the end, I must remind myself that the ultimate goal is to be healthy and to get rid of this stupid cancer once and for all. I am hopeful that the doctors won’t find any more cancerous cells or tumours in my breasts, and if they do, that they will remove it all successfully. But what I long for very much is that feeling of relief where I can finally say that I am cancer free. I want to wake up from surgery and say this is it. To feel that big weight lifted off my shoulders and to say I am finally done. This rollercoaster ride is far from over but I am determined to get through this next big hump, to move on with my life, and to start embracing my new normal. <br />
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14952934406549397055noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2578845459951611306.post-39853664679752081612017-02-19T15:07:00.002-08:002017-02-19T15:14:28.534-08:00Waking Up is Hard to DoFrom the moment I wake up in the morning, my mind is already running a million miles a minute thinking about all the little aches and pains all over my body. Anxiety, fear and worry build up inside myself before I’ve even opened my eyes. Was that pain there yesterday? Is this something new? Has the treatment worked? I’ve exhausted myself mentally before I’ve even gotten out of bed. The fear of recurrence is a nasty beast. It becomes a disease in itself and consumes my thoughts throughout much of my day. Even though the chemo and radiation treatments were both draining on me, it felt like a bit of a safety blanket. But once that all stopped, I didn’t have that protection around me anymore and I felt more vulnerable. <br />
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As I prepare myself to start my day, I struggle to find the energy to get out of bed. There is being tired and there is fatigue. It began to set in about a couple weeks after radiation as predicted and hit me like a ton of bricks. No amount of sleep could ever make me feel truly rested. My energy ebbs and flows and I find myself sitting down to rest for a couple minutes which quickly turns into hours. And then as my head hits the pillow at the end of the day where I should be counting sheep and ready for a good night’s sleep, the viscous cycle continues all over again. <br />
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Through all of this, I’ve wanted to educate myself as much as possible to battle this cancer head on and win the fight. But in that, I have also had to face the realities of this disease. Breast cancer research has come a long way over the years and women’s chances of survival have increased; however, we are seeing higher incidents of it, including in young women. The research focuses on 5 and 10-year survival rates which are promising and give some hope but then they begin to steadily decline and that’s the part that scares me given my age. It becomes not so much a matter of if I’ll have a recurrence, but when. I still want to travel, make new memories, and maybe even start a family one day. It’s difficult to find a middle ground between being in denial of this reality and accepting it. <br />
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I’m still learning how to balance my life and fight with my inner demons. It feels like a struggle everyday. I try to eat healthy, but I’m also learning not to beat myself up when I want a treat once in awhile. I try to exercise to build up my physical strength again, but I also have to listen to my body when it needs to rest. I want to research as much as I can about this disease, but I also don’t want to overwhelm myself with information and think about every worst-case scenario. Going through treatment was one of the most difficult things I’ve had to face, but the fight doesn’t end there. It continues on now in different ways including living with the fear of recurrence and the unknown. We never know how long we may have on this earth, but it sure became a lot more real to me once I felt like my life was being gambled with. Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14952934406549397055noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2578845459951611306.post-30779780367119086552016-12-23T16:55:00.003-08:002016-12-23T17:01:49.237-08:00Radiation <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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One thing I’ve learned through treatment is to just go with the flow. Nothing remains the same. Ever. I was originally supposed to have surgery to remove more lymph nodes once I was finished chemo. Upon meeting with my surgeon however, the plan changed to focus on my primary cancer treatment first – chemo and radiation – and then discuss surgery afterwards. I had anticipated having a few weeks off after chemo and was dreaming of a week-long vacation somewhere warm, but alas things change and plans are never set in stone. The cancer agency called me a few days after finishing my last treatment to set up an appointment with the radiation oncologist the following week and let me know that I would be starting radiation within 3 weeks. I wasn’t expecting to start so quickly but was glad that things kept moving along to get rid of this beast. <br />
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When I first spoke with the radiation oncologist in the summer, she advised me that I would be given 20 treatments of radiation to the breast and lymph nodes to kill any remaining cancer cells. Things had changed though as I began to ponder the benefits of doing preventative surgery. Although studies have found that a lumpectomy vs mastectomy have the same overall survival rates, there was an increased risk of recurrence by only doing a lumpectomy. Even though I will be tested often and a recurrence of breast cancer would likely be found in the early stages, the last thing I wanted was to go through this all over again. The type of breast cancer I have too tends to be multi-focal meaning that there can be multiple tumors within the breast and has a tendency to spread to the other breast as well. Since the possibility of mastectomy was now on the table, the new plan would be to lower the dose of radiation and extend the amount of treatments to 28 to preserve the tissue as best as possible. The tissue would be easier to work with and have less complications/side effects by giving the radiation in lower doses. <br />
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Two weeks before beginning radiation, I had a planning CT scan done to differentiate between normal and cancerous tissue areas and determine the amount and location of radiation to be given. The radiation techs placed a clear plastic type board over me on which they drew an outline of my breast and the lumpectomy incision area. Then, they put three felt marks on the area around my breast as coordinates to align the lasers and conducted the scan. Once finished, the marks were permanently tattooed on me so that they didn’t wash off as they would be used as coordinates for each of my radiation treatments. I can say that I’ve officially got my first tattoos now!<br />
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The tricky part was trying to figure out how I would attend my appointments as radiation is only done in Victoria at the cancer agency, about an hour and a half from my house. I could either stay at the cancer lodge for a fee of $53 per night which includes shared accommodations and 3 meals a day or I could drive down every day with the cancer van which is free of charge and run by the Freemasons society with numerous volunteer drivers. I opted to drive down with the cancer van since it would start adding up with the cost of accommodations. One of my sister’s friends we grew up with also graciously offered to let me stay at her place which I took advantage of a few times to break up the driving (thanks Candace and Brian!).<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Day 1 of radiation</td></tr>
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On my first day of treatment, I was shown the routine that would take me through the next 28 treatments. I grabbed a gown which I kept in my own cubby to be reused each time. I was led into the radiation area and was laid down on the radiation machine and the techs shifted my body ever so slightly to align my tattoos with the lasers. Once aligned with the coordinates, the techs left the room and the machine began to buzz and move around me. The treatment itself only took about 5 minutes and I didn’t feel anything during that time. I spoke with a nurse afterwards who outlined the side effects of radiation over time. These included fatigue and skin changes to the radiated area. It was important for me to hydrate my skin as much as possible to avoid a skin reaction such as a redness or itchiness. Some people can get what looks like a sunburn over time which, depending on how bad it is, can blister. </div>
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Over the course of treatment, I got into the routine of driving down to Victoria and back everyday, coming home and going out for a walk with my dog. She’s such a good motivator for me to continue exercising throughout all of this. Most days there’s nothing more I’d like to do than to come home and relax but I know I need to keep moving to offset the side effects and to stay strong. It’s good therapy for me as well getting outside and enjoying the fresh air and appreciating the beauty around me. I had a check in with the radiation oncologist two weeks into treatment to see how things were going and if I had any questions. Other than a few pains in my breast and rosiness of the skin, I was responding well to treatment. <br />
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One of the great things about being at the cancer agency is the people. They make this whole process so much easier and it doesn’t feel like you’re in a hospital or typical health care setting. There are many volunteers throughout the building offering tea or coffee, showing you where to go or just being a friendly face to chat with every day. And the staff are so friendly and always smiling and making you feel comfortable in an otherwise uncomfortable stressful situation. Not only are the people great, but I was pleasantly surprised one day when a couple therapy dogs came in with their owners to work their own magic. I am a huge animal lover so having these dogs around made me so happy and excited for the next time I would get to see them. <br />
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After completing 25 out of 28 treatments, I had a check in with the radiation oncologist once again. My skin was now getting redder in spots and it ached more at times but the low doses of radiation were sitting fairly well with me. The lymph nodes had their max dose of radiation at 25 treatments so my breast would be the only thing radiated for the remaining 3 treatments. This meant an even quicker radiation session now only taking about 3 minutes. It’s crazy to think of driving over 3 hours everyday for a quick 3-5 minute appointment.<br />
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As I travel down for my last appointment today, I feel grateful for many things. Being able to live in a country where we are provided exceptional care and treatment for cancer. Building relationships with new people I met on my drive down or at the cancer agency. And also forming closer bonds to those I’ve known over the years and got the opportunity to spend more time with recently. I feel so accomplished to reach another milestone in my treatment plan and look forward to getting one step closer to beating this. </div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">All finished 28 radiation treatments!</td></tr>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14952934406549397055noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2578845459951611306.post-16356344826084006842016-12-23T09:12:00.001-08:002016-12-23T09:12:49.850-08:00Bone pain, hot flashes, fatigue...oh my!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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For the second half of my treatment, I was switching over to a chemo drug called Paclitaxel which was given intravenously over the course of 4.5 hours. Some of the more common side effects included bone pain, muscle pain, neuropathy (tingling of the fingers and toes), and fatigue but no nausea! I was one happy girl to hear that after dealing with the ill effects of the “Red Devil” treatment. The drug can cause some people to have an allergic reaction so I was given Benadryl prior to treatment to help prevent a severe reaction, if any. A few minutes after being given the Benadryl, it hit me like a ton of bricks. I’m not usually one to nap during the day but I couldn’t keep my eyes open for the life of me and dozed off for a couple hours. <table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
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I didn’t know what to expect or how I would feel after switching over to the new drug but surprisingly I felt pretty good once I got home and somewhat “normal”. My head was a bit foggy and I was tired but other than that I had a good appetite with no signs of nausea. A couple days later though, I noticed that I was getting a few aches and pains in my legs and back so I figured it must be the bone pain setting in. It didn’t seem that bad until I went to bed that night. My legs and back began to throb and seemed to get progressively worse as the night went on. My GPO had told me to take a Tylenol for pain relief and something stronger if it didn’t help. I hate taking pills but I finally caved and took a Tylenol after dealing with non-stop pain for four hours. It seemed to take a little bit of the edge off, but the pain was still there and kept me awake throughout the night. <br /><br />Another side effect I experienced once I switched to Paclitaxel was the hot flashes. Chemo for breast cancer typically throws most premenopausal women into a chemically induced menopausal state as the ovaries are temporarily shut down resulting in a lack of estrogen production. I had noticed when I first started chemo that my head was a bit hot at times, but now I would wake up in the middle of the night feeling like my entire body was boiling from the inside out. Even though I tried everything to keep cool, from sleeping with the fan or putting a cold towel on my head, nothing seemed to cool me down. I knew I just had to let the hot flashes run their course until I could find relief. This could take anywhere from a few seconds to a few minutes each time. </div>
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<br />Over the course of the remaining three treatment cycles, the bone pain and hot flashes got progressively worse. The oncologist had said the side effects of chemo are cumulative which I was beginning to understand. I could feel my bones ache slightly during the day with the occasional cringing pain here and there. But once I laid down at night, the bone pain thrived. I could feel it coming on within seconds of hitting the bed and my legs and back would ache deep down to the bone. The hot flashes continued and became more frequent throughout the nights as well leaving me with little to no rest. I had to start taking a sleeping pill once in awhile so my body could get the rest and recharge it needed to fight. <br /><br />My veins also began playing a game of hide and seek for the remaining treatment cycles. I was <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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always told before that my veins were a nurse's dream. Nice and plump and easy to find. But what I didn’t know, was that over the course of chemo, the veins started to get smart and would hide after being poked so much. Since I had the lymph nodes taken out on my right affected side, I had to get the IV put into my left arm each time. It was taking the nurses 2 to 3 tries now to get the IV in as the veins kept rolling and hiding. My arm felt mutilated after being poked so many times and I was left in tears hoping that next time would be easier. <br /><br />Going into the last day of treatment, I felt like I was on cloud nine. It seemed like this day would never come but here I was…I finally made it through chemo. As I was finishing up the last of my treatment, one of the other patients excitedly told me that I would get to ring the bell which signifies the end of the chemotherapy journey. The nurse handed the bell to me and I turned to face the other fighters and rang it with cheers and applauds in response. I was overcome with emotion and tears of happiness filled my eyes. It seems strange to think of celebrating after being poisoned with highly toxic drugs but that’s also exactly why I was celebrating. I made it through an incredibly trying 4 months both mentally and physically. I came out a stronger and better person. <div>
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<br />One of the nurses presented a pin to me before I left which says, “You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have.” This rang so true for me and I’m sure for many others going through this journey as well. I could’ve let myself crumble to a million pieces but I chose instead to take control and not let this disease define me. Yes, there are days when I feel great and that I’m beating this thing head on but then there are other days when it pushes my limits and I must remind myself that tomorrow is a new day. For me though, there is only one choice in the end...be strong and fight like a girl.<div class="MsoNormal">
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14952934406549397055noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2578845459951611306.post-79534331369087513772016-10-19T12:19:00.001-07:002016-10-19T12:44:28.763-07:00Dancing with the Devil<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Going into the second round of chemo, my GPO advised me that I would be getting a double dose of anti-nausea medication moving forward to help alleviate the nausea that I experienced through the first treatment. This seemed to help a lot as I was able to eat when I got home and hold a conversation with my husband unlike two weeks prior. The only drawback though was that the medication in higher doses had side effects such as constipation and insomnia, both of which I experienced. I was so tired after chemo and felt like I could sleep all day but once I hit the pillow, I just laid there wide awake for hours. Not even a sleeping pill could help as my body was so flooded with all of the different drugs in my system. <br />
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After the second round of treatment, I noticed myself starting to associate certain words and items with chemo. Two things in particular were popsicles and ice. I had to suck on either a popsicle or ice chips while receiving the “red devil” treatment to avoid getting mouth sores (thankfully I only got one mild mouth sore in my throat the entire time which went away quickly with a prescribed mouthwash). Once I went through the third round of chemo, I couldn’t even think, look, or talk about popsicles and ice without gagging. My mind was playing games with me and I couldn’t get it out of my head. It was driving me insane. I decided I needed to do something about it because I still had more treatments coming up and I didn’t know how was I going to get through them like this.<br />
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Through my work, there’s an Employee and Family Assistance program which offers short-term counselling services for free. I contacted the program and got set up with a counsellor the following week to try and work through some of the anxiety I was experiencing around chemo. The counsellor emphasized just focusing on the present moment and to associate chemo with something positive. My mind has always been one to wander and think about a million things at once so it was hard to slow it down and focus on the present. I had to train myself to stop thinking so far ahead to the next treatment (and those darn popsicles). I also started reminding myself again that the chemo was doing good for my body and killing all of the bad cancer cells. This was a little easier said than done when I felt the side effects cumulate after each treatment. <br />
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As the treatments went on, my energy level became worse and I had this constant off feeling. It was like a touch of nausea coupled with fatigue. The oncologist said that exercise could help lessen the side effects so I pushed myself to get out for walks almost everyday, even if it was just around the block. At first, this seemed to help and I felt better when I was moving around more than when I was resting. The difficult part was getting the energy to push myself out the door but I reminded myself every time of the reward of feeling better afterwards. By the time my fourth treatment was finished though, it didn’t matter whether I was resting or moving around…nothing could shake off how I was feeling. It just lingered and only time seemed to make it fade away.<br />
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One thing that seemed to thrive though during my treatments was my appetite. I could not eat enough in a day and was eating twice as much as I normally would. Yet, even though I ate so much, I never felt full and couldn’t keep the weight on. It was like a competition with the chemo to see how much I could eat and how much weight I could gain back before the next round. But I always seemed to fall a bit short. I wasn’t losing a lot of weight but enough that I knew I needed to keep eating so that I didn’t eventually become underweight and unhealthy. My GPO later explained to me that the chemo was killing off all of the rapidly diving cells in my body, including the cells in my digestive tract. As a result, my body didn’t have the ability to uptake the nutrients I was putting in my body like it normally would and instead was going straight through me. <br />
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By the time I went into my last treatment of the “red devil”, I was worn down both physically and emotionally. At the beginning of chemo, I was usually able to recover enough to start getting out and about after a week or so of treatment. The last round though left me with this slight feeling of nausea and fatigue for the entire two weeks until my next treatment. It was starting to drag me down emotionally not being able to go out and enjoy things on any given day without worrying about how I was feeling. I couldn’t go to the store alone without getting anxiety and feeling overwhelmed. It was difficult to even drive because I felt like I was in a constant haze. The days seemed long because I didn’t have the energy to do anything and I looked forward to my husband coming home or having visitors over to get my mind off things. I just kept telling myself that this would all be over soon.<br />
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After four challenging chemo treatments, I would now be switching over to a different chemo drug called Paclitaxel for the last half of my treatment which had less harsh side effects. No more nausea and no more taking pills all the time. I couldn’t wait to move on and kick the red devil to the curb.<br />
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14952934406549397055noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2578845459951611306.post-25619486528350980552016-10-13T21:54:00.001-07:002016-10-13T21:54:21.179-07:00No More Bad Hair DaysLosing my hair was an inevitable part of my treatment. It was a horrible feeling but I knew it was something I would eventually have to face. I wanted to buy a wig before my hair started falling out so that I didn’t feel self conscious about going out bald and having people look at me like I was “sick”. I found out I had coverage through my extended health benefits plan to purchase a wig so I went out shopping to find something that I would be comfortable wearing. There are so many wigs to choose from nowadays depending on the style, colour, length, and thickness and whether you want real or synthetic hair. The good thing about a real hair wig is that it can be styled just like normal hair would but they can also be very expensive. The synthetic wigs are cheaper and generally are not heat proof; however, they have come a long way and now offer some heat protective ones. Going in I thought I would try a different hairstyle while I had the opportunity, but once I started trying a few on, I realized I didn’t feel comfortable going too outside the box because it would be so obvious that it wasn’t my own hair. The wig I decided on was a bit thicker and lighter in colour than my own hair but about the same length. <br />
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My hair had been holding strong through the first cycle of chemo, but going into the second round I noticed I was shedding a bit more than usual. The following day after chemo #2, I went to brush my hair and a lot of it was now starting to come out in my brush. Not just 5 or 6 strands like usual, but 20-30 strands. I knew this day would come but it was hard to know when to make the decision to get rid of it. Do I wait and let more fall out or will that just be more devastating? I looked on some forums online to see what others had done but it all came down to personal choice and what I was most comfortable with. Some felt better cutting their hair short first, while others took the plunge and buzzed it off all at once. I decided I would wait until the next day to see if the hair loss was getting any worse.<br />
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I continued to shed the next day and was worried that if I left it too long, I may wake up the next day with a big bald patch on my head. I was still struggling with making a decision on when to finally shave it so I decided to take a shower and see how strong my hair was holding up afterwards. When I took one stroke of the brush through my hair, it came back full. I knew at that point it was time. The owner of the shop where I purchased my wig had offered to shave my head when the time came so I gave her a call. We arranged for me to come in later around closing time so that we could have some privacy and I brought my friend with me for support. I didn’t know how I was going to react through it all, but I was so nervous leading up to going in. <br />
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My hair was put into a bunch of little pig tails to cut off first as it was easier than trying to get the buzzer through the whole thing at once. It felt better doing it that way too as I got to see what my hair looked like short before going all the way which wasn't as shocking and gave me an idea of what it would look like growing back. Once the pigtails were gone, it was time to shave the rest off. I don’t know that I was ever “ready” to shave my head but I knew it was something that I needed to face eventually. I managed to hold it together and at the end was surprised how empowered I felt. It was freeing in a way to not have any hair. I had no idea what I was going to look like without any hair but it wasn’t as bad as I imagined. Looking back, I’m so glad that I made the personal choice to get my head shaved rather than the chemo taking that choice away. I think I would have been more devastated had I waited and let my hair fall away in pieces in front of me. <br />
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I left the store that evening with my wig on and went back home to show my husband. He couldn’t bring himself to watch me get my head shaved as this whole diagnosis had been really hard on him so far. When I did the big reveal later on and took off my wig, he was incredibly supportive and told me how beautiful I was. We had a bit of a laugh too because we now looked like twins with matching bald heads. No hair products needed in this house! The next day, I went for lunch with a friend and wore my wig for the first time out in public. It felt a bit awkward and I struggled with whether to wear one or not. Part of me wanted to just rip the wig off and say this is me...take it or leave it! But I wasn’t at that point yet where I felt comfortable enough to do so. When I went for lunch with my sister the following day though, I decided spur of the moment that I didn't need to hide behind the wig. It was a big step for me and to be honest, felt really uncomfortable at first, but once I got out I found myself gaining more confidence. I was worried that people would stare but they didn’t really bat much of an eye at it. That is until I did the full monty and shaved my head completely bald a couple weeks later….<br />
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The little hairs left on my head had been falling out and my pillowcase and everything my head touched was covered in them. The lady who shaved my head had recommended that I go to a barber shop and get a straight razor cut once the time had come. I had never imagined getting a straight razor cut before and the barber had never shaved a woman's head before so it was an experience for both of us. It was pretty cool to get my head pampered in a way with the hot towels and everything. It's a little nerve wracking having a straight razor blade run across your head but he did a fantastic job and got rid of every last little hair. My head looked so white though once he was done as it had never seen the light of day all these years. When I went to pick up my prescriptions later at the pharmacy, I started noticing all the stares. It’s one thing to shave your head, but another to have absolutely nothing there anymore and even more so as a woman. My confidence wavered and it took some time to regain it back, but once I did, I owned it. Besides, I was still me. My hair was a part of my style, my personality, but I'm still the same person no matter what. Just stronger and more confident than I've ever been.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><i><span style="color: magenta;"><span style="font-size: small;"><b>My hair doesn't define me. My strength does.</b></span><span style="font-size: large;"> </span></span></i></td></tr>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14952934406549397055noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2578845459951611306.post-48886397026406104862016-10-13T11:58:00.003-07:002016-10-13T11:59:59.310-07:00Genetic Testing <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Roughly two weeks after the referral was sent in by my oncologist, I had an hour long telephone appointment regarding genetic testing with one of the genetic counsellors at the Hereditary Cancer Program. She asked me if I understood what genetic testing entailed and the possible outcomes if I tested positive for one of the gene mutations. My oncologist had already explained to me that if I tested positive, recommendations for risk-reducing surgery would likely be put in place which may include a bilateral mastectomy (removal of both breasts) and oopherectomy (removal of the ovaries). It was a scary thought but at the same time was relieving knowing I had options out there to possibly prevent recurrence or development of other cancers.<br />
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The genetic counsellor then went into my family history of cancer. We spoke first about my dad’s side of the family which didn't cause much concern in terms of having a hereditary risk. My great uncle had passed away from brain cancer in his 80s and my aunt had passed away from lung cancer in her 40s. My mom’s side of the family was where the red flags went up though. There was a lot of cancer, including multiples of particular types, and a few of us had also been diagnosed at a fairly young age. My great grandmother had passed away from pancreatic cancer in her 70s, my grandmother had passed away from breast cancer which metastasized to her bones later on in her 70s, my uncle had battled leukemia in his 40s and later passed away from another primary cancer in his 50s, and my cousin was currently battling pancreatic cancer which had spread to her liver in her late 30s. I was diagnosed with breast cancer at age 34. <br />
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There are certain referral criteria that must be met in order to qualify for genetic testing. These include having multiples of hereditary cancers such as breast, ovarian and colon cancers in close relatives, or being diagnosed with a hereditary cancer at a young age. Being under 35 and diagnosed with breast cancer, I was eligible to get tested for the 14 gene mutation panel, including the BRCA1, BRCA2, and TP53 gene mutations. Women with a BRCA1 or BRCA2 gene mutation have a 60% chance of developing breast cancer in their lifetime and also have a heightened risk of developing ovarian cancer. Whereas, a TP53 mutation increases a person's risk of developing multiple cancers including leukemia, breast, ovarian, pancreatic, bone, and brain cancers. This mutation is a lot rarer to find in people than the BRCA1 + 2 but it was worth testing for given the extensive history of cancer in my family. </div>
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In order to get tested, all I needed to do was provide a quick blood sample at the hospital which would then be expedited over to the Hereditary Cancer Program in Vancouver to determine whether I carried the gene mutation. The testing could take up to 8 weeks in total. If a mutation was found, then recommendations would be put in place for risk-reducing surgery and increased surveillance and my family would need to be tested as well as they would have a 50% chance of carrying the gene mutation. If no mutation was found, that was considered a good thing as I wouldn't be at as high of a risk of recurrence or developing particular cancers; however, I may still have a gene mutation that just hasn't been discovered yet and may not be for some years. I thought given my family history that there must be a gene mutation somewhere which would provide me with an answer in a way as to why it was so prevalent on my mom's side. As much as I was anxious to get the results though, I had to get it out of my head for awhile as I had other things to focus on, primarily getting through chemo. </div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14952934406549397055noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2578845459951611306.post-78512324262011468142016-10-06T21:43:00.001-07:002016-10-06T21:50:03.371-07:00First Round of Chemo Cocktails <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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After meeting with the oncologists in Victoria, I went to the Nanaimo Cancer Clinic to meet with the GP Oncologist who I would be checking in with on a biweekly basis while going through chemo. A nurse brought me in first to take my weight and blood pressure as a starting marker. The GPO then came in to talk to me about the treatment I would be going through. The first 4 cycles I would be treated with was a harsh combo of chemo drugs, Doxorubicin and Cyclophosphamide, which had side effects such as hair loss, nausea, fatigue, and mouth sores. The second half of my treatment I would be given a less harsh chemo drug called Paclitaxel with side effects including possible allergic reactions, bone and muscle pain, and neuropathy (tingling of the finger and toes). The GPO also checked my breast as it had recently swollen up due to a hematoma (a buildup of fluid which my body should reabsorb). She then checked the lymph nodes and was concerned as a couple felt enlarged. My arm had been bothering me over the last few days but I had just waived it off thinking it was just part of the healing process. I was set up with an ultrasound appointment before my chemo on Friday to see if there was any cause for concern.<br />
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The following day, I went in for my heart function test to determine whether my heart muscle was strong enough to handle the chemo drug I would be taking. A radioactive dye was injected into me to help highlight the heart cells and tissues and then it was time to sit and wait about 45 minutes to let the dye work through my system. Once I was brought in for the test, I had small pads put on my chest to detect my heart beat and then the machine was lowered to about an inch from my chest to get close enough for the images. The test took about an hour and they let me know that if I didn’t hear anything from the doctor, that my heart was good to go for chemo in a couple days. <br />
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Next up was bloodwork which I would need to get done the afternoon before treatment every 2 weeks to determine whether my blood counts were high enough to handle the next course of treatment. If the counts were too low, there was the possibility of treatment being delayed which was the last thing I wanted. I wanted to get this chemo done and over with as quickly as possible. Thankfully I am not afraid of needles, but I was starting to look like a bit of a pin cushion at this point and was over being poked so many times!<br />
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The night before my first chemo appointment, I could not sleep. I was excited in a way to get things moving and to kill whatever cancerous cells were left in my body, but I also felt nervous about how my body would react to the treatment. This wasn’t going to be an easy part of the journey. A couple hours prior to chemo, I went in for the ultrasound of my breast and lymph nodes that my GPO had ordered. The ultrasound tech seemed concerned about the fluid buildup in my breast but I let her know that I was told it was a hematoma and was normal to get after surgery. She spoke with the radiologist briefly and came back to let me know that my doctor would receive the results soon. All seemed well at that point so I left to head down to my first treatment in the cancer clinic. <br />
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One of the nurses brought my husband and I into one of the side rooms to give us a quick chemo teach session which included contact information in case I needed to get in touch with one of the nurses or oncologists, information on getting through chemo in terms of eating and staying active, and information on some of the side effects I may experience. There was a piece of paper I now needed to carry along with me at all times which had a list of the chemo drugs I was on in case I ended up in the emergency department at some point. Certain drugs could counteract with chemo so there were certain medications I may not be able to take, such as Ibuprofen. My body would also be at an increased risk of infection as my immune system would be compromised throughout treatment with my blood counts being so low. <br />
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I was then shown into the chemo room which had about 10 big recliner chairs in it for patients. I picked one of the chairs at the far side and got settled in. The nurse came over to give me my first dose of anti-nausea medication and then got me started on an IV of saline for a few minutes. Once I was a bit hydrated, I was ready for my first dose of my Doxorubicin aka the “Red Devil”. This stuff is the bad stuff. The nurses have to fully suit up while administering the chemo medication as it is highly toxic. It's bright red and is given by slowly injecting it into the IV port over a course of 20 minutes. While the drug was injected into my system, I had to suck on a popsicle and ice chips to help constrict the blood vessels in my mouth to help ward off getting mouth sores. The nurse advised me not to be alarmed when I went to the bathroom later on as the drug would turn my pee bright red for a few hours.<br />
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Once I was done with the Red Devil, I was started on a drip of the other chemo drug, Cyclophosphamide, which took about an hour and then I was free to go home. Other than feeling a bit foggy, I felt otherwise pretty good and thought, “Ha! I’ve got this!” That is until I got home. By the time we reached our house, I had to drag myself to the couch and lay down. I felt nauseous. I was tired. I couldn’t talk or move. I just felt all around awful. My husband tried to get me to eat but I couldn’t do anything. All I wanted to do was to sleep this bad stuff off and wake up feeling better. <br />
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The following day, I woke up feeling not a lot better but managed to get a small amount of food in me. I had to take a combination of three anti-nausea medications in the morning with food and then another pill at night to ward off the nausea for the first three days after treatment. I already hate taking pills, and the last thing I wanted to do when I was feeling sick was to try and take a bunch of pills. I would also be starting my Neupogen injections the following day for seven days in total to help get my white blood cell count back up. My husband would be learning how to do the injections so that he could give them to me at home since I would be getting them after every treatment cycle. <br />
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A couple of days after chemo, I got up early to for the MRI of my liver and abdomen. I was dreading being stuck in a machine for up to an hour as I had felt so awful the last two days. When we got to the hospital, I had an IV put in so that they could inject a dye into me for the MRI. The MRI took about 45 minutes and I had to lay there very still while they took images of my abdomen, all the while the machine buzzing and moving around me. Once finished, the technician told me the results could take a few days. I wanted so badly to know right then what the scan showed and if everything was okay. <br />
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Two days later, I had a bit of a set back. My lumpectomy site opened up and started oozing out. I dropped everything I was doing and went to the urgent care centre immediately. The doctor on-call looked at it and let me know that it was infected and he would be putting me on a course of antibiotics. I was so bummed. I thought the site was almost healed, but now instead I had a big whole where the lump had been taken out. I would need to get set up with Home and Community Care to clean, pack and dress the wound until it was healed. The site needed to heal from the inside out so that the skin didn’t grow over the top with an empty pocket inside as bacteria could continue to grow inside and become infected again.<br />
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My family doctor needed to set up a referral to home and community care so while I was there, I asked if anything had come back from the ultrasound a few days before. She left the room to check and when she returned I knew the news wasn’t good. The breast was clear; however, two lymph nodes were identified as being enlarged, suspicious, and possibly cancerous. Although I knew there was the possibility of more lymph nodes being affected, it still hit me hard and was disheartening and felt like another step back. I had hoped that everything cancerous was removed, but it just confirmed to me that I still had a fight ahead of me.<br />
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Feeling a bit defeated and having a bit of a pity party the next day, I got a call from the oncologist at the Cancer Agency with some good news, the MRI came back all clear. The hugest weight felt like it was lifted off my shoulders and I cried tears of joy. One scan was checked off, now one more to go! I just hoped for the same good news with the bone scan. A few days later, I showed up to the hospital to have another radioactive dye injected into me and then returned four hours later once it had circulated through my system. The bone scan itself took about an hour with images taken of each section of my body from head to toe. The hardest part was waiting for the results. Test anxiety rears its head and gets the best of you at these times. It’s all I could think about and I hoped that everything would be okay but kept reminding myself too that I didn’t have control of what came back, whether it was positive or negative. When I seen the GPO the following week, I asked for the results and she let me know that it all came back clear as well. The last bit of weight was lifted off my shoulders and I finally felt like I could tackle this thing head on. <br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">One down, 7 more to go!</td></tr>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14952934406549397055noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2578845459951611306.post-54668725817716439002016-09-19T21:30:00.000-07:002016-09-19T21:30:05.445-07:00The PlanMy first appointment at the Cancer Agency was with the medical oncologist who would be governing my chemotherapy treatment plan. He started off by discussing what we knew and what had happened until this point: how I first got diagnosed, surgery, results, etc. The lump removed was 4cm when initially thought it was only 2.5cm and the type of breast cancer I had showed characteristics of both ductal (cancer beginning in the milk-carrying ducts) and lobular (cancer beginning in the milk-producing lobules) carcinomas; however, it seemed to show more lobular than anything. Ductal carcinoma is the most common type of breast cancer found in about 80% of cases, whereas lobular is the second most common type found in about 10% of cases. The cancer was also estrogen and progesterone positive, but HER2 negative which was a good thing as it was more common and treatable. The concern however was that 3 out of 4 lymph nodes removed tested positive for cancer. He told me there was the possibility of having more surgery to remove additional nodes which the radiation oncologist would discuss with me further.<br /><br />The oncologist then went over the plan in terms of chemo. Since I was young and healthy, they wanted to put me on the “best of the best” treatment which was also the worst of the worst on the body. I would be on chemo for a course of 16 weeks with each treatment cycle occurring once every 2 weeks (8 treatment cycles in total). It is called Dose Dense because whereas normally they would give the treatment once every 3 weeks, it would be given once every 2 weeks so that the cancer cells don’t have an opportunity to divide. By giving it so frequently, though, the body’s white blood cell count is depleted and cannot replenish itself before the next treatment. In order for my white blood cell count to come back up again, I would require 7 days of subcutaneous Neupogen injections after each treatment cycle. The Neupogen helps stimulate the bone marrow to produce more white blood cells. This stuff isn’t cheap either at $1400 for 7 days’ worth of injections. Thankfully, it would be covered under my extended health benefits; however, there is also a relief program that assists those who don’t have coverage so that they don’t have to pay for this out of pocket. <br /><br />Chemo would be starting quickly. I was advised that if I couldn’t get into the cancer clinic in Nanaimo right away, we may be looking at doing 1 or 2 cycles in Victoria to get things going as quickly as possible. I was grateful that I could do the treatments in Nanaimo as it would mean less of a commute for me. In the meantime, the oncologist was going to order some further tests including an MRI of my liver and a bone scan to see if the cancer had spread further. The thought of what the results may show made me nervous. I could handle battling breast cancer, but what would I do and how would I react if it had spread? I would also need to get a heart function test done to see how healthy my heart was as one of the chemo drugs could have temporary or permanent damaging effects on the heart. If my heart wasn’t strong enough, I wouldn’t be able to take this particular type of chemo drug. <br /><br />I was also being referred to a genetic counsellor to determine whether I carried the BRCA1 or BRCA2 gene mutations, two mutations that, if carried, increases a person’s risk of developing breast cancer. In my case since I already had breast cancer, they wanted to see if I carried the gene mutation as I would be at a high risk of breast cancer recurrence and recommendations would likely be put in place for a bilateral mastectomy (removal of both breasts) in order to lower or eliminate that risk. There was also a possibility of having to undergo an oophorectomy (removal of the ovaries) as I would be at an increased risk of ovarian cancer as well. It was a lot to take in, but at this point I was ready to do what I needed to do to get rid of this thing. <br /><br />I got the call from a clerk at Nanaimo hospital the following day after my appointment with the oncologist with a list of appointments for the following week: check-in appointment with the GP Oncologist on Tuesday at the Cancer Clinic in Nanaimo, heart function test on Wednesday, bloodwork Thursday, chemo on Friday, MRI of the abdomen and liver on Sunday, and then a bone scan in a couple of weeks. I never had so many tests done in my life! I was grateful though that I could do everything so close to home rather than have to travel the extra distance to Victoria. <br /><br />Three days later, I went to see the radiation oncologist to discuss the remainder of my treatment plan. She discussed the importance of having more surgery to remove additional lymph nodes as there were concern there could be residual cancer cells in some of the lymph nodes. She explained that studies found that if 2 out of 4 lymph node tested positive for cancer, there was no benefit to additional surgery. However, when 3 out of 4 tested positive for cancer, it was highly recommended to remove additional nodes as a precautionary measure. I already had 4 sentinel nodes removed from below my armpit and this surgery would be to remove the axillary nodes which are located to the right of the breast. The surgery would take place 4-6 weeks after chemo to allow for the chemo drugs to be completely out of my system and for my blood counts to revert back to normal. <br /><br />I would then be moving onto radiation therapy everyday (Monday to Friday) for four weeks in Victoria at the Cancer Agency. Radiation therapy would entail using high energy external radiation of the lymph nodes and breast to kill any remaining cancer cells. The radiation can cause damage to normal cells including the skin which can suffer sunburn like damage from the rays. It can also cause lung problems, particularly blood clots, so it was important to watch for any redness, swelling or discomfort in my legs while undergoing radiation therapy. Since it would be awhile until the radiation started, my oncologist encouraged me to just focus on one thing at a time and not think too far ahead into the future. <br /><br />Now onto the next step in my journey, chemo!Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14952934406549397055noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2578845459951611306.post-75454512454920712832016-09-05T19:27:00.001-07:002016-09-05T19:39:26.589-07:00A Trip to the Fertility Specialist <div class="MsoNormal">
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I got a call from the BC Cancer Agency the day after hearing the results from the sentinel node biopsy and surgery. They had an appointment for me three weeks later. My initial thought was 3 weeks! Why so long?! I was expecting to get in within a week or so based on my conversation with the surgeon. I tried contacting my surgeon to no avail and then called the cancer agency back to explain that the cancer had spread to the lymph nodes, surely they must want to get me in sooner? The receptionist assured me that my file was reviewed by the oncologist and that was the soonest he would see me. I was devastated and that’s when I really broke down since I was first diagnosed. I felt helpless, like I wasn’t in control anymore of my fate. I was angry that they didn’t want to get me in sooner when they knew the cancer was in my lymph nodes and had to be stopped before it went any further. And I was even more upset and worried that my cancer was spreading while I was sitting here playing the waiting game. It took me a few days to get past the flurry of emotions and then I finally decided that I needed to switch things around and get my mind focused on something else before I started driving myself crazy.<br />
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<span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="color: purple; font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace; font-size: large;"><b><i>Can I have children after cancer treatments?</i></b></span></span></div>
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There were a couple things I wanted to get in order before I started chemo including getting referred to a fertility specialist. In speaking with the surgeon and others who had been through a breast cancer diagnosis, I knew that my body would likely be put into temporary menopause during chemo and could have long term effects on my ability to get pregnant. Although my husband and I didn’t have plans in the near future to have kids, we wanted to keep the door open and know what our options were should we decide to have kids later on.<br />
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My family doctor put in an expedited referral and I was contacted by the Victoria Fertility Clinic within a week to discuss my options with a specialist. As my appointment with the oncologist was quickly approaching, there was some urgency in seeing the specialist in case I decided to look at fertility options pre-chemo. I was required to fill out a lengthy questionnaire asking about my family history, any fertility issues, medical issues, etc. prior to my appointment. When I arrived at the clinic the following week, the specialist reviewed all of this information including how my current diagnosis came to be and how it would impact my ability to get pregnant. Chemo kills fast-dividing cancer cells and can be harmful to the ovaries which also contain rapidly dividing cells that produce eggs. Some people’s ovaries will recover after chemo and others will not. Age can factor into this as well as what types and dosages of medications you have. <br />
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<span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%;">W</span>e then reviewed both of my options, neither of which would be covered under my extended health benefits. The first option was in vitro fertilization (IVF) which involves egg retrieval, sperm retrieval, fertilization, and then freezing the embryo. However, it would also mean taking hormone pills to stimulate estrogen production which is exactly what my body didn’t want right now. My breast cancer was fueled by estrogen. This procedure is also very expensive (in the thousands) even at a reduced rate for cancer patients and is not guaranteed to work. The second option was to start taking an experimental drug immediately which may help preserve my ovaries throughout chemo with the hopes that they would function normally after treatment. The drug was experimental though which meant they didn’t know whether it was effective, if it would counteract with my chemo drugs, and would also set me back $400 per month during chemo. <br />
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Seeing my hesitancy with both the options discussed, the specialist decide to conduct an ultrasound to see how well my ovaries were functioning in order to get a better idea as to whether they may “wake up” and function again after treatment. Once finished, I returned to his office and he let me know that my ovaries were functioning normal to above normal and felt that I had up to a 75% chance of my ovaries waking up again after chemo. That was great news; however, he also advised that after all of my cancer treatments were finished, I would be placed on a hormone therapy drug called Tamoxifen which shuts down the ovaries’ production of estrogen, taking away my ability to get pregnant for at least five years. So, even if I froze my embryos or took the experimental drug, I wouldn’t have the ability to get pregnant until I was 40. <br />
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It was disappointing to think that the opportunity to have children was being ripped away from my husband and I. It was no longer a personal choice anymore. We wouldn’t have the opportunity to have a child in a couple years or possibly ever, depending on whether my ovaries started working again after all of the treatments. The doctor asked me what option I was leaning towards. It was too much of a risk to take either option and both had no guarantee. My health was my top priority as this point and I would rather wait and see what happens then have either option potentially affect my treatment or growth of the cancer. The doctor agreed and told me that my number one goal and focus was to beat this thing. </div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14952934406549397055noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2578845459951611306.post-68763625476068462502016-08-18T10:47:00.001-07:002016-08-18T11:51:37.732-07:00Let's Get Rid of This Beast!<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
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A week
and a half after getting my results that I have breast cancer, I was on my way
to see a surgeon to determine the next course of action. One of the
things I have learned is that it is so important to bring another set of ears
to your appointments as there’s a lot of information thrown at you and it can
be hard to remember everything. I
brought my mom and husband with me to my appointment for support and to help ask/answer
some of the questions thrown at my already overwhelmed brain.<o:p></o:p></div>
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When I
first found out I had breast cancer, the thought of having a mastectomy
(removal of the entire breast) came to mind as I thought that was the only way
to truly get rid of the cancer and never see it back. The surgeon, however, recommended a
lumpectomy (removing only the lump) as studies have shown that mastectomy
versus lumpectomy surgery have the same long term survival rates. Most
surgeons these days opt for breast conserving surgery as there is less overall
impact on the appearance of the breast and also has a faster healing time with
less post-surgery side effects. They would also
be conducting a sentinel node biopsy where they remove the first 3 or 4 lymph
nodes near the armpit as that is the first biological barrier the cancer would
reach before spreading further throughout the body. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
The
surgeon also discussed my personal health history, how I found the lump, and my
family history of cancer which can all factor into my risk of cancer
recurrence. Just due to my age (being
under 35) and the size of the lump (over 2 cm) alone placed me at high risk of
cancer recurrence and I would most likely require a course of both chemotherapy
and radiation therapy following the lumpectomy surgery (the treatment plan
would ultimately be decided by the oncologist(s) at the Cancer Agency). Being
young and healthy was a good thing in that I could handle a more aggressive
treatment; however, it was also a bad thing in that cancer can thrive in
patients who are young and premenopausal.
Although I knew in my mind that there was the possibility of having to
go through chemo, it still hit me really hard.
I could feel the tears well up in my eyes. The thought of being sick, losing my hair,
among the other awful side effects I had heard people talk about ran through my
mind. How was it going to be for me? <o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjKXHyzkZ3lY0QtuVPkYth8YOFeiJJdlKYl93oJN_Zr5n-Cjigh41-Hh8X_T3ouHgSUPRWEA2V-6Kcvw1d8I56vc6_POehYxYsF_JMa2bKSAd9kFgDv5NHU4fn4ReeWDMtnu5_GihCHm8gw/s1600/images.jpe" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjKXHyzkZ3lY0QtuVPkYth8YOFeiJJdlKYl93oJN_Zr5n-Cjigh41-Hh8X_T3ouHgSUPRWEA2V-6Kcvw1d8I56vc6_POehYxYsF_JMa2bKSAd9kFgDv5NHU4fn4ReeWDMtnu5_GihCHm8gw/s1600/images.jpe" /></a></div>
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
Following
my appointment, I was set up with a surgery date exactly one week away from my
initial consult. Things were moving fast which was exactly what I wanted
so I could get rid of this beast doing damage in my body. It also meant
getting all of my things in order asap: I would be leaving work indefinitely,
cancelling that trip to Vegas I was looking forward to, and getting last minute
stuff done around the house as I would be out of commission for awhile.
It was a stressful time to say the least, but the outpour of help and support
from my family, friends and coworkers made life easier. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
I showed
up to the hospital the morning of my surgery at the surgical daycare centre
with my husband and parents for support. The day started with my vitals
being taken and answering a bunch of questions about my current health. I was then taken down to medical imaging to
have a dye injected into either side of my nipple on my right breast which highlighted
the lymph nodes on the following nuclear scan.
This gave the surgeon a road map of the nodes to be removed.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
Once
finished the scan, I was taken back up to the surgical daycare centre to wait.
I was nervous. This was the first
surgery I had ever gone through where I would be put under anaesthetic and I
had no idea what to expect coming out of surgery. I was looking forward to
getting this beast out of me though and moving ahead with my journey so that I
could put this all behind me. It was only a few more minutes until the
porter came to grab me and I was on my way.
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
I was introduced
to the team that would be working on me which included the surgeon, an
anaesthesiologist, and three nurses. About one minute after arriving in
the surgery room, I was given the anaesthetic and was out within seconds.
The next thing I remember is waking up in the recovery room and looking
at the clock. 11:45am. It had been an hour and a half since my
surgery. I was all bandaged up, but I was okay (a bit groggy) and the
lump was gone. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
Once the
anaesthetic wore off, I asked the nurse if I could speak to the surgeon to see
how things went. He came in a couple of minutes later and let me know
that the surgery went well; however, the lump they removed was larger than
expected and three of the four lymph nodes removed were suspicious looking.
I asked what that meant, but was told we wouldn't know for sure until the
biopsy results came back a couple weeks later. I was hoping for a sense
of relief when the lump was removed…that it was gone and I was cancer
free. But hearing about the lymph nodes
though made me worried and I was anxious to get the results back as soon as
possible. <o:p></o:p><br />
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
When I
went home and looked at the bandages on my breast, I was sure half of it was
gone. It looked like so little compared to my other. Although the
ultimate end goal is to beat this thing, it was tough to think of losing a part
of my femininity…something that’s been a part of me my whole life. As the
bandages started to wear away four days after surgery, I decided it was time to
remove the bandages and come to face my fears. My husband helped me
through and after stopping about 20 times, I managed to peel it all away and felt
a huge sense of relief. It wasn't as bad as I thought, a little lopsided and
a bit smaller, but hey, I still have a boob!
The incision from the lumpectomy was about 3 inches long running horizontally
just above my nipple and the one from the removal of the lymph nodes was about
2 inches long located just below my armpit.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
Going out
in public with the bandages was difficult after surgery. It was 30 degrees outside and all I wanted to
do was get out of the house. I went down
to the beach for a few minutes but couldn’t help but see the stares from people
wondering why I had this huge bandage across my breast. Sleeping at night was another feat as I
always sleep on my right side so it was hard to get used to sleeping on the
opposite side. I used a pillow to bear
hug at night too as it helped elevate my arm where the lymph nodes were
removed. Out of both incisions, the one
under my armpit hurt the most and required frequent stretching so that the
muscles and tendons didn’t seize up causing a temporary or permanent lack of
range of motion. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
Two weeks
after surgery, I got a call from the surgeon with results from the surgery and sentinel
node biopsy. The tumor was successfully
removed from my breast; however, 3 out of the 4 sentinel lymph nodes removed
tested positive for cancer. This was not
the news I was hoping to hear. I was
devastated and scared of the unknown. Did
this mean the cancer had spread? I
couldn’t believe it was already in my lymph nodes when I didn’t even know I had
this lump until one month before. The
surgeon advised that since the cancer had spread to the lymph nodes, I would
most definitely be looking at a course of chemotherapy with the possibility of additional
surgery in the future to remove more lymph nodes.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
Since we
now had the results from the surgery, I was told that the Cancer Agency would be
in contact with me right away to set up an appointment with an oncologist to determine the
next steps in my treatment plan. We
needed to get things moving fast.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14952934406549397055noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2578845459951611306.post-40176221539328185072016-08-17T21:58:00.004-07:002016-08-17T21:58:47.355-07:00Sharing the News<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
After being
told that I most likely had cancer, I called my husband and let him know the
news. He was expecting the same thing as
me…just going for a routine appointment and will hear back in a few days. I wish in hindsight that I had brought him
with me for support but I never thought in a million years I would be hearing anything
that day, especially that I might have cancer.
My husband was devastated and wanted to be by my side. We were both in disbelief that this was
happening. I still had to return to the
office to grab my things and wanted desperately to keep my composure until I
got home. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
Back at
the office, I pulled my boss aside to let her know the news I just heard. She had been through a diagnosis of cancer
with her daughter in the past and was familiar with what was going to be a long,
difficult journey ahead. I explained to
her that part of me didn’t know whether to tell others yet, especially my
family, because I didn’t want to upset anyone unnecessarily when I didn’t even
know for sure if it was in fact cancer.
She said that I needed all the support I could get as they would be the
ones to help me get through the tough times.
I needed to look after me, put myself first, and stop worrying about others.
And she was right. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh750ctQYyPM7rf5tQPbrPDDWSuXCS4yzq-G1DEcwnAvQVSPo72_m-axwNNGJPSLSnENSGrDKFyTgWg6wUB80k790P08l0fhJArlspsS22jhE7xxfsUGyL0TjzMBzgNTzr-WemwAJi-qig8/s1600/Quote-on-support.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh750ctQYyPM7rf5tQPbrPDDWSuXCS4yzq-G1DEcwnAvQVSPo72_m-axwNNGJPSLSnENSGrDKFyTgWg6wUB80k790P08l0fhJArlspsS22jhE7xxfsUGyL0TjzMBzgNTzr-WemwAJi-qig8/s320/Quote-on-support.jpg" width="278" /></a></div>
<br />
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
I had
plans after work that same day to go out with my friends for wings and music
trivia as a late birthday celebration and decided to still go out as I needed
to keep my mind somewhat sane instead of wallowing in the shock of the news I
just heard. My best friend was out with
me that night and was talking about our upcoming trip to Vegas and how much fun
it would be. I felt guilty knowing that
I held this secret and that I may not be able to go anymore. At the end of our night when I dropped her
off at home, I found the courage to tell her what had just happened. I didn’t want to wait any longer and I needed
to reach out to someone. It was hard though
telling someone so close to me about something so unknown, so
unfathomable. It was hard to say
everything was going to be okay when I didn’t even know myself. <br /><br />The next morning, I called my mom and let her know that I needed to come by to talk to her about something. I was shaking on the drive to my parents’ house and playing out in my mind what I was going to say to them. When I got there, I had my parents and my sister sit down at the table with me and I was practically hyperventilating and shaking even harder trying to fumble through the first few words. I found a lump…I had some tests done…It’s highly likely it’s cancerous…I will need surgery. I think one of my biggest fears was that my
family would break down and it would tear my own walls down with it. I was trying to keep my composure, to stay strong. And they stood strong with me. They hugged me and told me everything was
going to be okay and I felt a huge sense of relief after telling them. And when I told my brothers a few days later,
I felt the same relief and their protection over me. They helped assure me that everything was
going to be okay and that I was going to beat this thing. And I believed them. </div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjnd-9AwRDqp1AF8v0JkSq-1MZYyd3DdnMgDguChQi6oksOq5E9u5mZnb6yXJEu8qU1owv7sNiu-6cH5iy6y4bBn8o4jQqmxi-i8UAG0fQZWWPCThoLbStMT8_JjIo2YzvHUSgS-rR2eUsv/s1600/download.jpe" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjnd-9AwRDqp1AF8v0JkSq-1MZYyd3DdnMgDguChQi6oksOq5E9u5mZnb6yXJEu8qU1owv7sNiu-6cH5iy6y4bBn8o4jQqmxi-i8UAG0fQZWWPCThoLbStMT8_JjIo2YzvHUSgS-rR2eUsv/s1600/download.jpe" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<br />
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
When I
returned to work the following Monday, I contacted two of my colleagues who had
both been through breast cancer in the past and beat it. I wanted to talk to them as they would know
more than anyone what I was going through and what I was up against. How long did I have to wait until I seen a surgeon, the oncologist? What treatment would I be getting? The waiting and the unknown was the
worst! I just wanted answers! <o:p></o:p></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
I’ve
always been a bit of a private person but going through this experience made me
vulnerable and I needed all the support I could get. I began sharing the news with the rest of my
friends and coworkers over the next couple weeks and it felt like the burden of
it all was lifted off me more and more. The
outpouring of love and support I received from everyone made me stronger and
realize I could do this. In the following weeks, I came home to a
little gift bag on my doorstep with a moonstone necklace (a stone representing inner
growth and strength) and a poster that read “Today is going to be a good day”. There’s not a day that goes by that I don’t
look at that as a simple reminder to myself.
My coworkers also overwhelmed me with a basket full of books, bath
products, gift certificates, and puzzles to help get me through the long road
of treatment and recovery ahead. I was
beyond grateful to have such amazing friends, family and coworkers in my
life. </div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14952934406549397055noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2578845459951611306.post-36901278675281351002016-06-23T14:23:00.001-07:002016-07-05T15:38:30.988-07:00My StoryOver a month ago, I was busy celebrating my 34th birthday, working like crazy, and looking forward to a girls getaway in Vegas with my best friend. Until life decided that it had another plan for me...a journey through Stage 2 Breast Cancer.<br />
<br />
Let's back this bus up a little further to the end of April where my story first began...I was lying in bed one night and thought out of sheer randomness that I should do a self breast exam (never thinking in a million years I would find anything - I was only 33 years old!). The moment I felt a lump in my right breast though, my heart sank and my mind went nuts. I went straight to the Internet to research what it might be - the thought of breast cancer came firstly to mind - but I didn't have any of the typical symptoms other than this odd lump. I needed to make an appointment with my doctor ASAP to be sure!<br />
<br />
My doctor conducted a breast exam the following week and asked about my family history of breast cancer and my current lifestyle. Nothing seemed to put me at high risk for breast cancer especially at my age - my grandmother had breast cancer in her early 60's, what some may consider the "typical" age of onset, and I was living a fairly healthy lifestyle, exercising regularly and eating a well-balanced diet. The doctor advised me that 80% of lumps found are either benign fibrous tissues or cysts; however, I was ordered an ultrasound to be on the safe side.<br />
<br />
The day after my 34th birthday, I arrived at the hospital for my ultrasound appointment expecting to be on my way back to work within a few minutes. After the tech was finished doing the ultrasound, she said she wanted to speak with the Radiologist and have him review my images. I knew something was up when the tech returned and let me know that they wanted to follow up with a mammogram.<br />
<br />
Never having a mammogram before, I wasn't sure what I was in for, but let me tell you, it was not comfortable! Your boobs are basically mushed flat in all different angles to get a 3D view of the tissue. Thankfully the staff at the hospital were so nice and professional and made the experience a lot less awkward then anticipated. I was then asked to take a seat in the waiting area not knowing what was going on, but becoming very nervous that things weren't looking good.<br />
<br />
After a couple minutes, I was taken into another imaging room where I was advised that they would be doing a biopsy to check the tissue from the lump. The doctor came in to freeze my breast and then conducted an ultrasound-guided breast biopsy where he removed 3 samples from the lump. Once finished, he turned to me and was frank about what they saw from the images - the lump was not a cyst, was not a fibrous tissue, and it was highly likely that it was cancerous. Although my nerves were telling me things weren't right, I was not expecting to hear the dreaded C word - CANCER.<br />
<br />
Leaving my appointment and in the days following, I went through so many emotions: shock, anger, guilt, sadness. How could this be? Did I bring this on myself? Could I have done something differently in my life to avoid this? What am I going to do??? By the time my biopsy results came back 4 days later to confirm it was in fact breast cancer, I had come to accept that this was my journey and it was time to stay strong and start fighting this beast.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14952934406549397055noreply@blogger.com5